Spoiler: Blowing of Steam With Rap

Well Lovelies, This unending trial of an extrovert's nightmare continues. My plans to finally see family fell through, because of the betrayal/oversight of another family member:( I won't get to see the twin sister I haven't seen in two years, or get to meet her fantastically beautiful little girl, nor get to hug my fabulous 4-year-old nephew OR my brother-in-law:( As I told my cat last night while my disappointment was still fresh and hadn't quite sunk in yet: "It's you and me kid." Today it's like I can't fully open my eyes, like they're puffy and red from crying--although to my knowledge that hasn't happened. It still feels like I have. Maybe I did it in my sleep. A friend of mine from closer to home has been emailing me periodically since this whole Pandemic jumped off, and he is similarly isolated by his own health concerns, even with the vaccine. It's very relateable, and I'm glad I have the sounding board. Recently he shared about how this Pandemic has really done a number on people's mental health--and that's just from HIS perspective! If you talked to anyone outside of his circle or even in the vast outer reaches of the Internet, I'm sure they would verify that they've had the same trouble. Even at the very beginning of this "adventure", when I was still getting used to Zoom, I told people in a Bible Study that I felt like I was losing my mind. THE SITUATION HAS NOT IMPROVED:( My mind is all but gone. And it's the perfect irony. Before he died, my fiance told me losing his mind was HIS greatest fear. Luckily(?) for him he never got old and had to face said fear. Now here we are almost 10 years later and I AM, though not because I'm getting old. Depression is a constant dangerous companion. It is with me all the time. Especially today, I am battling with that monster to stay in its cage and not drag me down any further. But at least I know thanks to the few friends who check in on me that I am by no means alone. We're all fighting monsters. We're all teetering on the edge of an abyss, whether we admit it or not. I think the difference is some of us are willing to confront that and do the work of either overcoming or embracing our flaws, and SOME are not. And that's what leads to heartache for people like me, who want to trust people we no longer can.