Broken Lives Matter

Yes it's been a long time, but there's good reason for that. I've been increasingly discouraged and disheartened in my attempts to make any headway with Congress, let alone the Federal Government. I could almost hear the people who answered my calls to my congressional rep. laughing at me when they hung up the phone. And it comes down to this. I don't pay very much taxes. I pay local/State taxes but because I am for all intents and purposes a ward of the United States, I don't give my Federal pound of flesh, as it were. So in their eyes, I don't matter. They probably WERE chuckling, and who could blame them? When all is said and done, I can't get married or move forward with my life unless I give up my livelihood. Infuriating. Not for the first time, I find myself screaming "who are they?!" "How can they tell me that unless I contribute financially, I don't deserve to contribute at all?" I have to ask myself some big, terrifying qu

While house sitting last week, because I don't drive and entertainment options were limited, I watched a LOT of TV. The following clip is one inspiring example of exactly the point I stress when calling my congressman's office. Just change "marijuana" to "marriage laws for SSDI recipients" and the same holds true; the restrictions are out dated; they have not evolved with the times. Therefore, as with so many patients who really need marijuana to treat conditions nothing else will treat-- like severe epilepsy and migraines-- SSDI recipients can not get married and expect to keep their benefits, despite the modern economy's absolute need for each individual to contribute financially in a marriage. I add that the Constitution of the United States is clearly a living document that DOES grow and change with the society that surrounds it. There is the Abolition of Slavery, the 18th Amendment addressing women's suffrage when it had become an undeniable

This draft was just waiting for me, as if when I began this post without finishing it, somehow I knew...I'd be back:) Certainly didn't foresee my entry coming in the sleepless, predawn hours of March, having just started a load of laundry and anticipating another "throw away day" of mislaid "best laid plans." It's like that Langston Hughes poem with me; "A Dream Deferred." Indeed, "what happens to a dream deferred?/Does it dry up?...or does it explode?" There was a time when I absolutely reveled in the language of the Harlem Renaissance. During my college years I took a night course in African American Literature and curled up inside the language to dream:) Alas for me I feel like that was another life and some one else. Now it's just me writing a blog before the sun rises. Waxing quite poetic, if I do say myself! But deep inside I know that nothing lasts forever; I'm going to lose this touch of inspiration in a minute--for

There are moments throughout my week that inspire me. Even though this "fight" to change the marriage laws for SSDI recipients feels like running to the end of a rubber band, only to be shot back to where I started, over and over again, there ARE hopeful moments. Yesterday my day started at the Urban Institute for Contemporary Arts with coffee, pastry, and camaraderie among fellow members as we were led through a private tour of an exhibition celebrating black history. There were certainly some pieces of art, and some elements of the expression, that made me uncomfortable. The charming, pastel-colored, painting of hooded members of the Ku Klux Klan around the hanging body of a dangling black child--was meant to jar me. And so it did. More than any of the other items I saw. But it was astonishing how much I could say about every single thing. And that was thrilling to me. Of course that led to making some fascinating new friends--finding something of a kindred spirit in our

Scary, but exciting:) I finally called my local congressional representative's office and let them know about this issue I'm so passionate about, and got the ball bouncing, if not rolling smoothly just yet! You know, one of my favorite quotes is "the shortest answer is doing." I've been so stuck in a rut lately and very unhappy with my life; I felt like nothing would ever change, and there was nothing I could do. Turns out there's always SOMETHING I can do! And even if this is just a baby little stutter step, at least it's a step. I feel renewed; I should have done this a long time ago! But I had to be feeling this down and depressed about myself to feel motivated to step out of my comfort zone. Upheaval is certainly not the goal for my life; since when is tumult a good thing? But a little shake up now and then is definitely needed; it restarts the spirit's entire process, and somehow encourages you. To be sure, I WILL be calling tomorrow. I've h

A few days ago I had a revelation. While the concept of a marriage has always been a social construct, a partnership leaves it entirely to the couple to decide the terms of their relationship. In other words, before the State butted in, once upon a time people were joined by love. Bursting with this new thought, I've done some research. I found an article listing in detail all the things that have traditionally defined marriages, and how over time that has evolved. They've gone from being almost exclusively arranged unions to purely convenience couplings, to being about how each person feels about each other, with the State being more or less an after thought. Having been the maid of honor at my sister's wedding, I can tell you the extent of the State's involvement was a piece of paper declaring my sister's name change, essentially, and the rest of the time I stood beside her at the head of the aisle, gave a speech, and bore more witness to the love in their heart

Before the entire world, one man swore to uphold the rights and responsibilities of the Constitution of the United States of America as its president. NOW, he is systematically tearing ALL of that down. Closing boarders, refusing entry into the US from every country EXCEPT those where he maintains a business relationship despite its obvious and flagrant conflict of interest with his Office. People have told him he can not legally, ethically or constitutionally do something, and he just thumbs his nose at them! He turns his back and does whatever he pleases, no matter what the consequences. How can a man like THIS be allowed to hold the office of the Presidency? I didn't start this blog thinking politically; I had no intention of spewing my beliefs as a Democrat when I started "My Re-Imagined Life." But how can I ignore this? In just two short days, the baby son of my twin sister and her husband is due to light this world. How can I sit idly by, imagining the joy he'

Hello Blog, Well the bulk of the interim between last entry and this have been consumed by a monster cold or virus or something, that has completely negated my sleep patterns and made it impossible for me to get much of anything useful done:( Honestly, the laundry's piling up, and the things I plan to fill every day with either get pushed to the next day and the next day until they are finally accomplished or, as in the case of a few monthly meetings, I skip all together to avoid going out in this weather and possibly making myself even worse. I hate it when I get like this! But other than forcing myself to get showered and perfumed and dressed every day, I'm not sure what else I can do. Waiting for the spring to return to my step has also given me time to think about my whole letter writing campaign. I'm starting to think it's a waste of energy to write and send letters, particularly to all 14 congressmen and women in the state. I've heard from a few sources tha

Well, it looks like I'm going to have to start digging. Just spoke to a local advocacy group and they were very sympathetic, but unable to provide much in the way of legal help:( They, like I, didn't even really know where to start a project like mine. Changing the laws? Well, we've all got to roll up our sleeves and get dirty for some reason. Some people devote their energies to marriage and family, which unfortunately I can't legally do unless I want to be rid of the money I use to survive. How this is conducive to a happy, healthy, productive society I can only guess:) It's about time somebody said something about it, in my opinion. Clearly no one else has. I hate to think of "my people" as living their lives as victims, but when the government of your country itself is "othering" you, making you not the same as everyone else in the country just so they can put limits on your behavior, I'm sure it's easy enough to feel victimized.

Finally I have found one specific part of life as a disabled female to point at and say without doubt or shame: that is NOT fair. As the Social Security law stands right now, I would lose the type of assistance I get...if I got married! It's just ludicrous. And at 35, time's a-wastin' if you know what I mean! I'm ready to be in a committed relationship without any fear, and I would like to know I have the freedom to do so. So, for the first time, on a friend's suggestion, I've written my congressional representatives. Well actually all of them. There are fourteen! I intend to send my letter to each of them. And I intend to send more. This is a very specific issue in a very sensitive time, when I believe very strongly that if nobody says anything now, nothing will ever improve--and might even get worse--for disabled Americans. Particularly women, as they are the only ones who would suffer the loss of their benefits by losing their single status. Are we just su

Been a long time! And winter has returned:*( The joy of a pretty mild Christmas and a decent New Year's Eve are now just memories...and I didn't make it to Bible study this morning, but that's NOT for lack of effort. Somehow I woke up with enough time to dress and prepare, despite being up much later than I should have been last night. But I still missed the early bus to a connection that WOULD have gotten me to the church on time. I'm really much more upset about it than I thought I'd be...I really wanted to go this week. I suppose if all goes well there's always next week, but that seems like a weak consolation. What about now? What about today? As the song goes..."what if you're makin' me more than I was meant to be?" Well, that might just be my answer. Sometimes despite my best efforts, I can't escape myself. I can't move with the lightning speed I see so many others around me employ:) I've got my walker, which is hard to p