This is Love

Hello Lovelies! The following popped up in my social network feed a few days ago, and I am obsessed. Not just because there are two beautiful actors and one is playing a woman with Parkinson's and Jake Gyllenhaal is playing a man who doesn't care. Not just because this scene is the kind of enounter I've dreamt of having, and conversation I've imagined my entire life. But because it addresses what many people in this world seem not to know: people with diabilities can love. And they can love impressively well. http://fb.watch/ky4wD-gxbA/ I know you lovelies don't have trouble imagining someone like me with a fully functional heart; I've shown you mine. You know they exist in others like me because one exisists in me. But with upsetting frequency, I've noticed that there are a lot of able-bodied people who seem to think that just because one part of you doesn't work right, NOTHING else does. And to be fair, after the loss of my beloved fiance Michael ten years ago, I really thought I couldn't fall in love ever again. But that wasn't because of my Cerebral Palsy. It was my heart that was broken. I was actually willing to accept this as the truth of my life, and die alone. And there are those to whom I had to prove my love even for Michael. Although when we were together it COULDN'T have been more obvious how we felt, I don't think. Some people "other" anyone they can, whenever they can. Just so they feel themselves more human. Isn't that the height of irony? Indeed, "Love and Other Drugs"(2010) shows how Anne Hathaway's character's impulse is to push Jake Gyllenhaal's character away because of her Parkinson's. I've done this too, with mixed results. Sometimes I've seen that it was the right decision for both of us, other times I've had to deal with a lot of regret. It seems that often, the first compulsion of somebody with a "broken" body is to believe we're not worthy. In retrospetM, I cannot imagine why I ever believed it. Not worthy of what? Why? My heart was broken, my body was just unique. And that's where the Jake Gyllenhaals of the world come in handy; their characters assure us that we're worth a little extra effort. But self-sabotage is real. It's a way the traumatized, "broken" cope. Push everything away, refuse to accept that it's for you, especially when it's good...'cause it's going to leave; you're too much trouble. For my part, I've been working on the self-esteem issues represented here. I DO deserve it. Why WOULDN'T it be for me? And so forth. But I think this exemplifies a problem with the Disabled that no one talks about: the shame. It's shameful not to be "normal" in this society. Body shaming and other prejudice are rampant, and that redirects attention from those nobody sees. This reinforces our own belief that we don't deserve what everyone in the world deserves. We tell ourselves that 1) no one will ever want us for who we are, so we should just push everyone away and cower behind our walls, and 2) If we don't push them away, WE are the ones who'll end up getting hurt; they will leave us anyway once it become too much. The secret is that there is somebody out there for whom "too much" of you is never enough, no matter who you are. Consider a slightly less serious, still heart-warming in its own way, newer movie with Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore, "50 First Dates" (2004). That movie features a woman disabled in an accident, so the vibe is different, to be sure. But the love felt between the two leads is undeniably there. Another example is "The Other Sister" with Juliette Lewis and Giovanni Ribisi (1999). Evidentally this last one ushered in a handful of movies about love among the Disabled, and did so in a way that neither of the other two I've cited did. Lewis and Ribisi's characters have both been challenged their whole lives, but they love each other. That's pretty groundbreaking if you ask me, and once again there is a struggle to be understood as capable of love. "Can't you see me?" Lewis' character asks her mother in a memorable scene. And indeed, that is the hardest part of being "abnormal". Nobody sees us unless we turn their head. Which explains the use of Able actors. In "Love and Other Drugs", the appeal of Hathaway's character on a very physical level cannot be denied. She would turn anyone's head with her attention. And nobody could claim that Drew Barrymore and Juliette Lewis don't possess a number of charms. For the rest of us? I like to think our hearts make us more attractive. In other words, maybe my face ISN'T symmetrical, but just wait til you see my soul.