Looking Through You

The issue of being stared at is on my mind. Twice today, in a relatively short period of time, I encountered young people who didn't seem to know how to speak to me. I wasn't speaking any differently than I would to anybody else. But they had a look that clearly (I felt) communicated that they were uncomfortable being addressed BY me-- kind of like a deer in the headlights. Both of these people were younger than I, probably by a decent margin. But I really don't see how that excuses them from "social grace class", so to speak. I mean, once upon a time it was stressed CONTINUOUSLY by guiding adults that it is rude to stare. And mumbling something in response to a question is not the way any young person should be taught to carry himself. I use the masculine pronoun here, but I was taught (apparently the '80s are the Dark Ages now, by comparison to this generation) that "he" is acceptable as a reference to either gender. I don't think it's too out there to hope that when confronted with an adult, even one who doesn't look like who they're accustomed to seeing, a young person shouldn't stare, but should know how to respond. I certainly wasn't being threatening! Why would they freeze like that? I suppose it's preferable to the opposite behavior, which is frequently the confrontational bus drivers or riders who don't think I'm disabled ENOUGH to treat with consideration and respect. THEY don't clam up. They are only too happy to tell ME how I should fold my walker up or put it aside to keep the aisle clear. Or to scold me for not pushing the "ramp request" button, which one driver ignored even when I DID push it. Talk about frustrating! The take away here must be that NOBODY really knows how best to deal with the Disabled, and that should not surprise me. We're all as different as anybody else, after all! So what works for one of us might not "fly" with somebody else. Maybe a lot of people don't mind being stared at, and accustomed themselves to being ignored or given startled, one word replies. Maybe it's unfair of me to expect anything else! But why should I, or anyone else, force myself to live like that? Talk to us. Don't stare at us. Ask a question. Demand an explanation. I doubt anybody would mind filling in the blanks in your assessment; we all feel judged all the time anyway. This would be a welcome change of pace!