Broken and Bewildered

Hello, Lovelies! I cannot believe it's been almost a year of silence on my end:( Honestly, I have wanted to write. But this past year has left me with both FAR too much, and absolutely nothing--to say. One change in my life that I will mention is that I adopted a wonderful senior cat, and we have left the ever-more-frightening downtown area. She loves me now! The reason for tonight's abrupt return is that my heart is far too heavy to keep things to myself anymore. Too many people have died. Not just people. WONDERFUL people. One of my best friends in the whole world, my would-have-been brother-in-law who ALWAYS called me his sister. The only two times I met him in California, he treated me like a queen and so did his family. Covid took HIM right at the beginning. I'm newly heartbroken every single day that I can't call him and tell him about something good or bad that happened. I can't hear his perspective or laugh at his laid-back take on the situation. And then just tonight, I learn another celebrity has died, which wouldn't mean too much, in its pseudo-closeness, if a sweet friend of mine in the real world, who I DID have a relationship with, hadn't passed the very same night. It's one of those times you try to ignore, when death feels like it's everywhere. And of course I tell myself I have things to look forward to and everything will look better in the daylight, but I wonder...how long? The Bible asks the same question. How long will I suffer? How long will I feel better? How long until something happens and all of this darkness goes away? You may not feel the same way I do about the Bible, lovelies, and that's your privilege. I wouldn't try to take that away from you. But that book means a LOT to me. It's probably taken until this year for me to realize just how much the Bible has always meant to me, and what a comfort my faith has always been. But I also firmly believe that if God wants you, he will tap you. That is, some of us are meant to live a faithful life, and some not. And I personally don't think there's muchh any of us can do about what God wants. And I guess that nicely rounds up my musings on death, doesn't it? If God wants you on Earth, he will keep you there. But if He wants you with Him, there's nothing anyone can do about it. Even if it shatters our hearts with its weight. Maybe the only comforting takeaway is that those we lose aren't really LOST. The memory of them, their pictures and posts on social media, the times we shared in the real world, the sound of a beloved voice--will always be deep inside.