Writing About Christmas is Hard:(
Escrow is going to pay my Winter Tax Bill:) Of course my mother had told me that would happen, but it was nice to hear it confirmed by my mortgage lender. Now I can breathe! I was absolutely panicking months ago, worrying about how in the wild blue blazes I was going to come up with the same amount of money that was billed in July. Escrow is the gift that keeps on giving!
In fact there are so many, many gifts that have come from out of nowhere this season. I received the "informative copy" of the actual tax bill and discovered that even if I had had to pay it this month, I would have been able to. I've rekindled a friendship with the neighbors across the street. I thought they'd isolated themselves and were avoiding me for some reason; I hadn't seen them around their house in weeks.
But the other night I brought them a tin of Christmas cookies and visited with them in their warm, cozy living room that had brilliant fire. They've just been visiting family in North Carolina and other warm places, it turns out! It was a relief to hear this; I thought their son, who is in guarded health, had taken a turn for the worse.
I also gave cookies to a neighbor two doors down, who has been immeasurably helpful to me, and very kind to Michael and me, since we moved in. And....you could not tie me to a chair and pay me to write more Christmas cards! I've sent out dozens. Thank goodness I had the foresight two months ago to pay for a big, healthy roll of stamps from the post office, which is also remarkably close by.
The bright red Christmas table cloth that Michael got me last year to "make the apartment feel more like home," he said, is also spread across my kitchen table. He must not have looked at the dimensions; it's for a table about twice as long as ours was and mine is! But I folded it in half, and it's wide enough, so it looks very nice. Especially with the tree-shaped tea-light candle decoration, that towers quaintly over a little Irish cottage incense burner I already had; they're a cute little vignette for the table top:) I never would have thought a year ago that I'd even have decorations--beyond Christmas ornaments. The tree was an early Christmas present from my wonderful grandmother, and the little house just happened to already be on the table as a permanent fixture.
Another festive occasion I enjoyed was a nearly-free concert at the gorgeous Royce Auditorium at St. Cecelia's. I've always said I'd go there sometime, but music wasn't that important to Michael. Had we been married I most likely would have had to wait until a friend and I could go together--and leave my husband home. This would have suited him just fine, but it would have been hard on me. This concert that I ended up taking myself to was all talented college kids from Grand Rapids Community College, and to my delight they played "O Come Emmanuel"--on the trumpet--by an ensemble of about seven.
It's shocking but bittersweet to discover what my life looks like without Michael in it. I'm doing things I never would have even considered doing without him. I'm going places I surely would have had to drag him to--wine and cheese at San Chez, a concert at St. Cecelia's, baking cookies (he had Type 2 Diabetes)...and probably none of this would have been part of my life. Would I have minded though? So much of what I put aside, things I used to enjoy by myself, I was happy to be rid of--in favor of new experiences with Michael. But it wouldn't have gone on that way forever.
To his credit, he encouraged me to indulge in the traditions I used to. He even told me to choose ornaments at Macy's that reminded me of being Swedish:) I found a beautiful angel in a white gown with a red sash like St. Lucia, the legendary Swedish saint that every Swede honors on December 13th. I put it in a box of ornaments that has disappeared:( It was one of the first things I looked for when I came home to discover what had been taken.
Perhaps the box has just been hidden...many things were. But I've resigned myself to it being gone forever. I've found plenty of other ways to honor Michael this time of year--even a new angel ornament on the same tree we had last year. Somehow that survived....sigh. The lump is returning to my throat. Think I'll stop it there...thanks for listening:)
In fact there are so many, many gifts that have come from out of nowhere this season. I received the "informative copy" of the actual tax bill and discovered that even if I had had to pay it this month, I would have been able to. I've rekindled a friendship with the neighbors across the street. I thought they'd isolated themselves and were avoiding me for some reason; I hadn't seen them around their house in weeks.
But the other night I brought them a tin of Christmas cookies and visited with them in their warm, cozy living room that had brilliant fire. They've just been visiting family in North Carolina and other warm places, it turns out! It was a relief to hear this; I thought their son, who is in guarded health, had taken a turn for the worse.
I also gave cookies to a neighbor two doors down, who has been immeasurably helpful to me, and very kind to Michael and me, since we moved in. And....you could not tie me to a chair and pay me to write more Christmas cards! I've sent out dozens. Thank goodness I had the foresight two months ago to pay for a big, healthy roll of stamps from the post office, which is also remarkably close by.
The bright red Christmas table cloth that Michael got me last year to "make the apartment feel more like home," he said, is also spread across my kitchen table. He must not have looked at the dimensions; it's for a table about twice as long as ours was and mine is! But I folded it in half, and it's wide enough, so it looks very nice. Especially with the tree-shaped tea-light candle decoration, that towers quaintly over a little Irish cottage incense burner I already had; they're a cute little vignette for the table top:) I never would have thought a year ago that I'd even have decorations--beyond Christmas ornaments. The tree was an early Christmas present from my wonderful grandmother, and the little house just happened to already be on the table as a permanent fixture.
Another festive occasion I enjoyed was a nearly-free concert at the gorgeous Royce Auditorium at St. Cecelia's. I've always said I'd go there sometime, but music wasn't that important to Michael. Had we been married I most likely would have had to wait until a friend and I could go together--and leave my husband home. This would have suited him just fine, but it would have been hard on me. This concert that I ended up taking myself to was all talented college kids from Grand Rapids Community College, and to my delight they played "O Come Emmanuel"--on the trumpet--by an ensemble of about seven.
It's shocking but bittersweet to discover what my life looks like without Michael in it. I'm doing things I never would have even considered doing without him. I'm going places I surely would have had to drag him to--wine and cheese at San Chez, a concert at St. Cecelia's, baking cookies (he had Type 2 Diabetes)...and probably none of this would have been part of my life. Would I have minded though? So much of what I put aside, things I used to enjoy by myself, I was happy to be rid of--in favor of new experiences with Michael. But it wouldn't have gone on that way forever.
To his credit, he encouraged me to indulge in the traditions I used to. He even told me to choose ornaments at Macy's that reminded me of being Swedish:) I found a beautiful angel in a white gown with a red sash like St. Lucia, the legendary Swedish saint that every Swede honors on December 13th. I put it in a box of ornaments that has disappeared:( It was one of the first things I looked for when I came home to discover what had been taken.
Perhaps the box has just been hidden...many things were. But I've resigned myself to it being gone forever. I've found plenty of other ways to honor Michael this time of year--even a new angel ornament on the same tree we had last year. Somehow that survived....sigh. The lump is returning to my throat. Think I'll stop it there...thanks for listening:)
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