Happy
Today was a Red Wings hockey game on a Sunday afternoon. To my memory that has never happened before; I think it's the player's and the owner's way of making up for lost time with the Lockout that lasted until January, and making it up to the fans who had to wait all that time. Either way, today's game was a treat--and I'm sure Mikel would have at least been happy for me.
Though he wasn't much of a sports fan. He was more of a geek to the core--and proud to be. I encouraged him to be; God knows I fell for him anyway--and he encouraged my love of watching hockey games. Today was a nail-biter with a dramatic finish, and I'm sure I frightened my little dogs with my celebrations at least once. They're not used to hearing me shriek happily and wave my arms in the air! But I was so consumed by the play-by-play I couldn't help myself.
In the apartment, whenever there was a game last year, Mikel would tell me to order any kind of pizza I wanted and make sure we had plenty of Coke in the house. He spoiled me rotten! But I know it delighted him.
Last night to make myself cry a little, I watched "The Prince and Me"--which I mentioned in my entry of last year, "In The Bleak Midwinter." That movie is all about an American girl in college who falls in love with a Danish prince, and their song is "I Hope That I Don't Fall In Love With You," covered remarkably well in the movie. Who wrote it? You guessed it--Tom Waits. I bring up this little anecdote because the movie is about each person in the pair doing his or her best to make the other happy. And that's what we lived for--especially Mikel. Sometimes during the movie as I lay there alone in our room, I would look over to the very empty space where Mikel's bed used to be--and I would fall to pieces. Just for a moment. It can be very lonely being the survivor.
But I think he would have wanted me to live here without him, and I know he's watching me all the time. Sometimes I swear I can feel his eyes right above me. It really is the most remarkable feeling. Remember the movie Ghost? It's kind of like kissing an angel.
Today when I was so delighted with the Wings' game and cheered with wild abandon, I half expected Mikel to come rolling into the room at top speed to make sure I was alright! For the tiniest nanosecond once in a while, I'm spurred on to run into the other room, or grab my phone and fire off a text, to make sure that Mikel is okay--like he's just that close. Then I remember. But the moments when I feel his eyes on me, or picture him as clearly as day racing into the room to check on me--I know he's okay. It's bittersweet of course...nothing is like real love. But knowing he's somewhere, and knowing he can always find me--I'm happy.
Though he wasn't much of a sports fan. He was more of a geek to the core--and proud to be. I encouraged him to be; God knows I fell for him anyway--and he encouraged my love of watching hockey games. Today was a nail-biter with a dramatic finish, and I'm sure I frightened my little dogs with my celebrations at least once. They're not used to hearing me shriek happily and wave my arms in the air! But I was so consumed by the play-by-play I couldn't help myself.
In the apartment, whenever there was a game last year, Mikel would tell me to order any kind of pizza I wanted and make sure we had plenty of Coke in the house. He spoiled me rotten! But I know it delighted him.
Last night to make myself cry a little, I watched "The Prince and Me"--which I mentioned in my entry of last year, "In The Bleak Midwinter." That movie is all about an American girl in college who falls in love with a Danish prince, and their song is "I Hope That I Don't Fall In Love With You," covered remarkably well in the movie. Who wrote it? You guessed it--Tom Waits. I bring up this little anecdote because the movie is about each person in the pair doing his or her best to make the other happy. And that's what we lived for--especially Mikel. Sometimes during the movie as I lay there alone in our room, I would look over to the very empty space where Mikel's bed used to be--and I would fall to pieces. Just for a moment. It can be very lonely being the survivor.
But I think he would have wanted me to live here without him, and I know he's watching me all the time. Sometimes I swear I can feel his eyes right above me. It really is the most remarkable feeling. Remember the movie Ghost? It's kind of like kissing an angel.
Today when I was so delighted with the Wings' game and cheered with wild abandon, I half expected Mikel to come rolling into the room at top speed to make sure I was alright! For the tiniest nanosecond once in a while, I'm spurred on to run into the other room, or grab my phone and fire off a text, to make sure that Mikel is okay--like he's just that close. Then I remember. But the moments when I feel his eyes on me, or picture him as clearly as day racing into the room to check on me--I know he's okay. It's bittersweet of course...nothing is like real love. But knowing he's somewhere, and knowing he can always find me--I'm happy.
Comments