Focus
Last year at this time I barely even noticed the weather, but it felt like the end of the world. Now, with this insane ice storm and the snow it might be the end of the world, but I don't notice it!
Surrounded by a house whose light bulbs have pretty much all decided to fail me at once, and the ever-present reminder that the walls of my little house desperately need to be finished and painted, I feel completely at home. I have a beautiful Christmas tree, my dogs, the friendly Internet that houses my growing network of Facebook friends and family, and plenty outdoors to keep me busy as well, knocking ice off the ramp and its railings that just refuses to be jarred from its spot.
Plus I just sprinkled the remaining half jar of cashews (Michael's favorite nut) onto the icy, snowy front yard. I've noticed more squirrels around today than usual, and I'm sure they'll appreciate the feast. Too many cashews give me terrible stomach pains any way, so the little woodland creatures are welcome to my surplus!
And the phone numbers of ladies from my Bible study are right by my phone; I know they'd all help me out if I needed it. To say nothing of the manager at the local market who has already helped me several times this winter with his snow blower and heaving a 50 lb. bag of ice melter into my garage, and a handful of more-than-gracious neighbors who help with little and big things whenever they can.
It's been a great season of not feeling alone in the world like last year. I've tried extra hard to keep myself busy and go out of my way to see people. Last year I was happy going days without speaking to a single person. It's absolutely amazing how things change. At a friend's Halloween party this year, I told somebody I've always been an introvert, and she was actually surprised! "But you always start conversations with people...". How true. And while it is true that I was an introvert in my younger, more awkward years, I think "growing up" has helped me come out of my shell--way out.
Still being with Michael at this point would probably have yielded the same results, really. He made me feel stronger in body and spirit. But I would have nevertheless had to stay in with him a lot, even if the stroke hadn't left him even more dependent on me. I would not have wanted to leave him. There would have gone any time at all spent with family! Granted, sometimes I'm still not able to see them for months, but sometimes time and convenience just won't allow it, on either side.
A year ago I never would have imagined even a glimmer of what my life is like now. A year ago my focus was entirely 360 degrees in the opposite direction! But what has emerged is quite a comfortable, pleasant, happy life--alone but not lonely.
Surrounded by a house whose light bulbs have pretty much all decided to fail me at once, and the ever-present reminder that the walls of my little house desperately need to be finished and painted, I feel completely at home. I have a beautiful Christmas tree, my dogs, the friendly Internet that houses my growing network of Facebook friends and family, and plenty outdoors to keep me busy as well, knocking ice off the ramp and its railings that just refuses to be jarred from its spot.
Plus I just sprinkled the remaining half jar of cashews (Michael's favorite nut) onto the icy, snowy front yard. I've noticed more squirrels around today than usual, and I'm sure they'll appreciate the feast. Too many cashews give me terrible stomach pains any way, so the little woodland creatures are welcome to my surplus!
And the phone numbers of ladies from my Bible study are right by my phone; I know they'd all help me out if I needed it. To say nothing of the manager at the local market who has already helped me several times this winter with his snow blower and heaving a 50 lb. bag of ice melter into my garage, and a handful of more-than-gracious neighbors who help with little and big things whenever they can.
It's been a great season of not feeling alone in the world like last year. I've tried extra hard to keep myself busy and go out of my way to see people. Last year I was happy going days without speaking to a single person. It's absolutely amazing how things change. At a friend's Halloween party this year, I told somebody I've always been an introvert, and she was actually surprised! "But you always start conversations with people...". How true. And while it is true that I was an introvert in my younger, more awkward years, I think "growing up" has helped me come out of my shell--way out.
Still being with Michael at this point would probably have yielded the same results, really. He made me feel stronger in body and spirit. But I would have nevertheless had to stay in with him a lot, even if the stroke hadn't left him even more dependent on me. I would not have wanted to leave him. There would have gone any time at all spent with family! Granted, sometimes I'm still not able to see them for months, but sometimes time and convenience just won't allow it, on either side.
A year ago I never would have imagined even a glimmer of what my life is like now. A year ago my focus was entirely 360 degrees in the opposite direction! But what has emerged is quite a comfortable, pleasant, happy life--alone but not lonely.
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