Steaming!

Okay, now I'm just blowing off a little pre-Christmas steam:( Online arguments are stupid. They solve absolutely nothing, because it's too easy for EITHER party to misinterpret what the other party says and be hurt and say "I'm offended by that!" Then the argument ruins everyone's day, and it's just an infantile disagreement based on misunderstanding. Nothing is accomplished that way. Also, when I was walking to a local restaurant to see a jazz musician play, I was fielding off "how you doin'"s left and right. It seemed like all the way there, for no reason that I can imagine, people on the street wanted to impede my progress by chatting:( Talk about a holiday downer. But the defining moment of this tirade came as I was heading home, just at the corner across from my building, which is where a lot of the things happen to me, to be honest. It's mostly just concerning silly drunk men calling me pretty, or having to walk past some one literally seated on the corner with groceries in bags around him, because that's his home. Tonight in the full dark chilliness of a December evening, first I heard some one muttering about a walker behind me. My first instinct was to ignore him/"pretend I'm deaf", which works about 99% of the time. Unfortunately as he passed me, we made eye contact. "You're the youngest women I know with a walker," he said. Oh really, you know me? 'Cause I sure did NOT know him. Our exchange was brief, with fewer than 10 words between us, and I know he didn't mean any harm. I know he was just curious, as most people are, because I don't fit the "definition" they have in their head of what some one with a disability should look and sound like. Nevertheless, it made my blood boil. I'm getting to the point where my patience for ignorance is at the lowest it's ever been. It's not my concern if people are so willingly ill-informed that they make the wrong assumptions about me based on the picture I present. It is not my concern if people don't even know how to move aside for a walker on the street, doing that silly little side step/dance that positively infuriates me if I think about it. But people owe it to themselves to accept the reality of the world as it is now, and probably has always been. Who knows how many sad, undeserving individuals there are out there who would rather stay shut up indoors than have to deal with the type of nonsense I face every day? And I won't apologize for refusing to be one of those individuals. I treasure my independence, and I am not afraid of the world. Let them come at me with their stupid questions and comments. Let them talk behind my back, assuming I don't hear, until they see the fire in my eyes. I'd rather have that than day after miserable day alone in my apartment, just waiting for the day when somebody's going to accept that the face of the world has changed. I have to admit that I too have moments where I find myself grappling with equality issues, trying to be color blind and accepting of everyone. But in this day and age, "grappling" is only forgivable for so long. I know eventually I have to somehow reconcile my prejudices with reality. But for now, I'm also dealing with small minds of my own. The only conclusions I've come to are these: there are people in front of me-and you-right on the street, who don't "fit the mold" that you're used to. Different color, different culture, different religion...who knows? BUT IT'S NOT WRONG.