Stretch it Out

Lately it has become an oft-echoed sentiment: "So Happy It's Thursday!" with the capitalized initials spelling a word I simply will not declare on this blog. But today I am one of those who happily shouts it. My computer was brought back from the (for all intents and purposes) dead Tuesday, and today I had an appointment with "Prosthetics and Orthotics" that has left me positively buoyant:) For one thing, it was earlier than I'm usually up and about, meaning I got back to my place pretty early, and with plenty of time to continue my original plan for the day, with absolutely no interference from an "AFO" (ankle-foot othosis/leg brace to supposedly correct my supposedly incorrect walking stride). I had a surprisingly lengthy consultation with one of the orthotics specialists, trying on one of the kinds of AFOs that the physical therapists prescribed, and walking around in it to see how it suited me. Which--not surprisingly--was not very well at all. It was nice for once to feel like somebody REALLY understood what I deal with/have dealt with, and wasn't just trying to sell me a product. One thing that helped a lot was a questionnaire I filled out prior to the appointment detailing exactly how confident I felt in my ability to not fall while doing different daily tasks. I referred back to it a few times in our discussion, and I think it helped focus my comments; it was like taking an "open book" test back in school! Long story (full of many complicated details) short, we both decided I should wait and spend more time doing the exercises I learned through physical therapy, then maybe come back after a follow-up with my primary care physician in the Spring. I'm thinking maybe even Summer...maybe never? The best thing he said in the evaluation is that I'm not giving myself enough credit for how well I'm doing. And I have to humbly agree. With an internal smile. I'm living alone, independently, getting myself from here to there confidently and with minimal assistance if any. Yes I use a walker, and that's a given. But I wouldn't have it any other way; indeed, after today's experience I think a brace inside my shoe (or shoes) would do more harm than good to my mobility and routine. Two phrases he used were accompanied by an angel choir in my head: first, that Cerebral Palsy is "an upper motor neuron" condition--the word neuron is right THERE in the name! FINALLY! You can't appreciate how many times over how many years I have known in my heart that what I was dealing with was not just a muscle problem that could be overcome and retrained, but really and truly a problem of the BRAIN ITSELF, meaning that the signals from brain to foot a scrambled, and there is no point trying to "teach a pig to sing" so to speak. The second thing he said was "overuse syndrome", which requires a bit more explanation so you'll know where all of us are coming from who've ever had a physical problem we've tried to correct--probably with as much frustration as I--only to wish we hadn't. The process of correcting something like gait through the use of orthotics makes us 1, tend to rely too much ON the orthotics (just as someone losing weight to through a program relies on it to stay on track, then immediately regains the weight once they go off of it) and 2, we tend to lose the quality of life we HAD prior to "correcting" whatever was imperfect. To use myself as an example, if I'd added an AFO to my routine that was uncomfortable or bulky and cumbersome--even just a little bit--what would be the odds that I'd wear it regularly enough to have a noticeable affect on my stride? And secondly, as he very helpfully pointed out, with the way I DO walk, heels in the air, toes pushed down, very little communication between the heel and the floor in every step and a high likelihood of scraping the floor with my toes--an AFO would force me to walk in a way that would not allow for any ankle movement or flexibility, and probably lead to very costly knee damage in the future. Not to mention possible breaking of the AFO itself in the pad area, which would be counter-productive and a waste of everyone's time and money, especially since Medicare doesn't cover a new device more than once every five years. Which makes ME wonder, if I used an AFO would I have to learn to walk without my walker?! What if I didn't, and then both the AFO and the walker needed replacing at the same time? It would most likely be a "Sophie's choice" so to speak between getting a walker for balance so I wouldn't fall, or an AFO for looks. My biggest question through all of this is "why?" Why would I put myself through this ordeal? Why would I disrupt a relatively happy routine in the middle of it--just to introduce an element that may do more harm than good? Sure, I don't walk the way everyone else on the street does. No, I do not have the greatest coordination, hence never learning to ride a bike (too reliant on the training wheels, which harkens back to "overuse syndrome" does it not?) and making the decision not to drive. That and the lack of stellar reflexes, which are increasingly vital these days, as fewer and fewer people seem to be obeying the laws against jay walking and not running red lights! But that's a separate blog entry:) In conclusion to this rather rambling account of my early morning adventures in orthosis, I've decided to devote myself more completely to getting stronger and hopefully "stretchier"--more limber--and see what happens. It's exactly what I need to do with such a blessedly flexible schedule. And it's a LOT less invasive than an AFO!