Michael

Another hot, sunny, allergen-rich day:( Remembering my dear Michael today is the only thing that's been more important. It was this day, seven years ago at exactly 2:10 in the afternoon, I lost him. But it has been a remarkable catalyst for everything that's followed! The people I've met, places I've gone, things I've done...they've all blown my own mind. And I really don't think very much of it would have happened without that horrible tragedy. My life began when I met him. It CHANGED completely and utterly when he died. Looking back on it though, that was in many ways when everything started that would define me as the person I am now. Things were totally different with Michael. They were wonderful, but they were completely 100 percent different. And if he had lived, I would also be entirely different. Many times I've flattered myself that I knew my destiny. I thought Michael was it. But BOY was that misconception shattered when Michael died. And so my whole concept of self was momentarily shattered as well. Since then, I've managed to rebuild my sense of self; to trust myself, trust my intuition, make friends more easily, and be "hella" daring! In ways I never, ever would have imagined myself to be seven years ago. I can't believe it's been so long. Two of my church friends and I were chatting about that today. Time just doesn't seem to exist in the same way it used to:) Which actually it doesn't; it's been proven that time speeds up as you age. And we DO improve as we get older, which is one of the biggest surprises I've had. But in my case it makes aging so much easier to take; I wasn't "good at" being young. Painfully shy, way too introverted, way too quiet. I'm happy not to have those misguided tethers any more. Of course I still think about him a lot, of course. And today I wore the wedding ring he had in production for me at the time he died, that the jeweler graciously gifted me. And I wore a beautiful pendant with the delicate gold chain he gave me to wear the promise ring he gave me. It was very large, and clearly not purchased with ME in mind specifically:) But it was symbolic of a love I'll never forget and never completely leave behind.