Stressed but Struggling Through

Who said we wanted to move on the day we had set for our closing?!...oh. We did. Thanks a lot Bureaucracy! Since two days before our closing date, there has been a long, tedious, unbelievably stressful list of delays and magical maneuvers to conjure money we can't really afford to lose, in order to keep and secure the house we thought until a week ago was ours unquestioningly.

Although we have since been told things like this happen all the time, especially to first-time home buyers, that doesn't remove the sting. We had plans, time lines for construction, a scheduled cable transfer, even a new telephone number! Apparently dangling carrots are a common thing among the Powers That Be--who frequently drop the guillotine on home buyers even the day of closing. So I guess I should feel...lucky? Sure.

Mikel and I both feel like fish grabbed out of the ocean and thrown gasping for air onto a slippery wooden dock. I am colder than I can ever remember being in this apartment, snapping at Mikel for no reason, then collapsing into frustrated tears a moment later, when I realize how cruel I've been to the one person who holds me and tells me everything is going to be okay, when it feels like nothing will ever be okay.

Meanwhile, I have been escaping to fantasies about the wedding whenever I need to cheer myself up, which as of yesterday include a decision on a local baker we first met with a few months ago. She has even offered to help us do our grocery shopping if the weather is bad! Since neither Mikel nor I drive, this is a wonderfully kind gesture.

It never ceases to amaze me how some people could care less who you are or what challenges you face, and some people's hearts are so big they'd go out of their way to help some one. At least there is just one bright, happy thought to hold onto--in this quagmire of unending stress that is "buying a home".