Possibilities

Wow! So it's been a week since I posted! I guess sometimes my Facebook posts feel like I've shared enough of myself, leaving very little room for blog sharing:( So what can I say? Christmas is here! Well just about. I'm bound for home in a couple of days--just two! I still haven't packed! But I've been writing a list of things I don't want to forget to bring, for a week or two now. As of this moment I'm looking forward to the morning; it's mine and my fiance's "Christmas" from the year we were together. He loved the solstice, and I was too in love with him to mind that it wasn't "THE DAY." I think that's what love is all about; changing your routine and the other person changing theirs so the two halves can fit together:) Anyway, the best part of it for me, at the time, was that it was like I was a kid at Christmas again, all wide-eyed and excited:) I had that wonderful, exceedingly rare feeling like ANYTHING could happen, you know? I didn't believe in Santa the way I had when I was a child, but Michael saw Christmas like a child--and he brought me with him! That December he spoiled me every day, buying me something new almost every day:) I got new earrings, a beautiful ruby heart necklace, cookie sheets I still use regularly, and a million other little things:) It was the most magical year of my life. Both of us having a mobility aid for disabilities we'd had all our lives, I think we understood each other in ways that no one else had ever--or WOULD ever--understand. Once we found that, it blew both of our minds--and we were devoted. So all that said, this year I've decided to reprise the tradition of our special day. Yes the actual Winter Solstice was yesterday--the day before our Christmas--but the wonderful thing about Winter is that it isn't nearly as short or fleeting as Christmas, as wonderful as it is:) I'll be a fool for Christmas all day tomorrow. My radio alarm (ye olde clock radio) will be set to the 24/7 Christmas station to wake me up! The only deviation from how Michael and I would have celebrated is that I'll be going to church on Christmas day, which I never would've done 8 years ago. And I would have been fine with that, because I would have had Michael, but since I don't, I have to get that happy feeling of being part of a family somewhere else. After church, I'll be opening my one present to myself--this month's box of goodies from Universal Yums! It's all snack foods from around the world; I joined a few months ago and have been so happy with them! It'll be snack after snack from different parts of the world--maybe all of them will ONLY be Christmas food. Like Barm Brack (Ireland) or something akin to schnitzel that fits inside a tiny box (Vienna)--or another of Columbia's delicious coffee sweets, which have been my FAVORITE things since I joined Universal Yums:) Maybe another Greek honey toffee! That would be delightful. You see what I'm doing?! My mind is wandering and coming up with its own ideas. Just like a kid would at Christmas, listing in her head all the toys she might find under the Christmas tree in the morning. At least, that's certainly what I used to do! And no "what if" is too far-fetched. Christmas ebullience is supposed to consume us, if only for one night. Every child deserves it, and every kid at heart should revisit the feeling. Like anything could happen. I'll listen to my own Christmas CDs all afternoon and make cookies:) I don't think I've ever been that much of a picture-perfect Christmas elf, flitting around the kitchen to carols--EVER. But that's another good point; we only get the chance to be an "elf" once a year every year of our lives, and none of us lives forever. So if I don't go a little nutty baking and dancing to Christmas music in the apron my friend made me NOW--who knows when I'll get another chance?