Keeping Calm and Carrying on
Ten days since I last blogged? My how time flies. I've been so busy (or lethargic), everything is just a blur.
Well, the good news is I've started getting into writing my story about me and Mikel...but I don't think it will be done any time soon. Maybe not even this year! We were together a year, and there is so much correspondence and material to go on. Just the journals I've kept and the memories that go along with them are a novel in themselves.
Then there's the fact that writing everything; my sadness, my bewilderment, my shock, fury, disappointment and miniscule joys--is exhausting. I've hardly even begun the first chapter and it's almost more than I can bare. After every writing session I find myself needing to break for a day or two just to get my head back on straight:(
But I do have a wonderful office. Or at least the makings of a wonderful office:) The floor is unfinished wood and the closet doors don't close properly. But I have the wonderful desk my dad got me for Christmas years ago, a wide, beautiful bookshelf, and even a recliner from a very helpful garage sale nearby. It's an environment perfectly conducive to recording a love story. Now all I have to do is grow strong enough to dredge up those knife-wound memories that are just below the surface.
What am I afraid of? Everything I see these days has the potential to make me fall down into tears. Yesterday at the little neighborhood market the cashier and I were talking about that very thing. She lost her fiance in a car accident not long ago, and it was so comforting to know she knew exactly what I'm going through. Everyone has been wonderful, of course. But the first thing a lot of them have said is that they can't imagine what I'm going through...this lady knew. She knew that with every conversation there is a moment of that horrible pain, when all the memories flood your mind and soon tears are flooding your words.
This blog will definitely be one of the sources I draw from. Especially the one about our Yule day--remember that? It's one of my personal favorites, and brings back exactly the feeling of that magical time in our lives. I'm looking so forward to the challenge of writing about that. That's how writers get their adrenaline:)
Well, the good news is I've started getting into writing my story about me and Mikel...but I don't think it will be done any time soon. Maybe not even this year! We were together a year, and there is so much correspondence and material to go on. Just the journals I've kept and the memories that go along with them are a novel in themselves.
Then there's the fact that writing everything; my sadness, my bewilderment, my shock, fury, disappointment and miniscule joys--is exhausting. I've hardly even begun the first chapter and it's almost more than I can bare. After every writing session I find myself needing to break for a day or two just to get my head back on straight:(
But I do have a wonderful office. Or at least the makings of a wonderful office:) The floor is unfinished wood and the closet doors don't close properly. But I have the wonderful desk my dad got me for Christmas years ago, a wide, beautiful bookshelf, and even a recliner from a very helpful garage sale nearby. It's an environment perfectly conducive to recording a love story. Now all I have to do is grow strong enough to dredge up those knife-wound memories that are just below the surface.
What am I afraid of? Everything I see these days has the potential to make me fall down into tears. Yesterday at the little neighborhood market the cashier and I were talking about that very thing. She lost her fiance in a car accident not long ago, and it was so comforting to know she knew exactly what I'm going through. Everyone has been wonderful, of course. But the first thing a lot of them have said is that they can't imagine what I'm going through...this lady knew. She knew that with every conversation there is a moment of that horrible pain, when all the memories flood your mind and soon tears are flooding your words.
This blog will definitely be one of the sources I draw from. Especially the one about our Yule day--remember that? It's one of my personal favorites, and brings back exactly the feeling of that magical time in our lives. I'm looking so forward to the challenge of writing about that. That's how writers get their adrenaline:)
Comments