Suddenly not as hard:)
Yesterday I had a revelation. Things are a lot easier for me, all of a sudden, than I thought they were two months ago. When you're hit with the death of your whole world after a quick, terrible illness, it feels like the air is rapidly being removed from your lungs. You feel like everything everywhere is collapsing in on you, and the whole world is against you. Given all of these suffocating factors, of course you're also going to feel like the simplest things are impossible, and the harder things will almost kill you.
But then if you're lucky, and I guess I am, something happens. You discover friends who love you whom you've never met in person. Family will appear from out of the blue to support you and encourage you when you feel like you'd much rather join the person you've lost than go on.
And all around you will appear new places for your energy and love. I thank whatever inspired me to seek another dog on the Internet just a few days after Mikel's death. Somehow because of it I've ended up with a squirmy, adoring, sweet, warm, happy little dog who loves giving and receiving kisses. And I thank Mikel for being the person he was, developing and maintaining relationships with wonderful friends and family who have become mine.
Of course I have to thank my wonderful family that have always been there for me, long before and long after Michael came into my life. I think we all realize now what an amazing impact Mikel had on my life and how he changed me--in most ways for the better:)
Somehow I made it through the worst, rawest, most agonizing part of my grief. May Destiny smile on the makers of cell phones that send messages and post updates on Facebook to my friends on the West Coast--all of whom were bright-eyed and bushy-tailed when I'd been tossing and turning in bed for hours!
There was a lot of drama today, most of it "would-be in-law-mama" drama. But I got the last laugh today. Hopefully this streak will stay lucky...and I'm confident it will. With Mikel smiling at me from a picture taped to my computer monitor and his spirit forever just an arm's length above me...I can't lose:)
But then if you're lucky, and I guess I am, something happens. You discover friends who love you whom you've never met in person. Family will appear from out of the blue to support you and encourage you when you feel like you'd much rather join the person you've lost than go on.
And all around you will appear new places for your energy and love. I thank whatever inspired me to seek another dog on the Internet just a few days after Mikel's death. Somehow because of it I've ended up with a squirmy, adoring, sweet, warm, happy little dog who loves giving and receiving kisses. And I thank Mikel for being the person he was, developing and maintaining relationships with wonderful friends and family who have become mine.
Of course I have to thank my wonderful family that have always been there for me, long before and long after Michael came into my life. I think we all realize now what an amazing impact Mikel had on my life and how he changed me--in most ways for the better:)
Somehow I made it through the worst, rawest, most agonizing part of my grief. May Destiny smile on the makers of cell phones that send messages and post updates on Facebook to my friends on the West Coast--all of whom were bright-eyed and bushy-tailed when I'd been tossing and turning in bed for hours!
There was a lot of drama today, most of it "would-be in-law-mama" drama. But I got the last laugh today. Hopefully this streak will stay lucky...and I'm confident it will. With Mikel smiling at me from a picture taped to my computer monitor and his spirit forever just an arm's length above me...I can't lose:)
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