Small Steps

Hello Lovely Readers! I'm getting old. You know how I know? Besides the increasing intensity of aches and pains in the morning, and how much the cold now torments my joints (knees first, now the wrists too for extra fun), I know it because I am SO excited about cancelled plans:) And tonight's plans were merely to volunteer, which has given so much form and purpose to my otherwise nebulous days! So you'd think I'd be "aw shucks-ing" my bad fortune, especially on a day that is uncharacteristically BRILLIANT--if still cold. But surprisingly, I'm delighted to have the excuse to attend a lecture I HAD despaired of going to because it conflicted with my plans to volunteer (I'd made them first, and that always overrides whatever comes up later, if both things are elective). And in a rare moment of clarity, I even got groceries last night that will easily last me through the rest of the week, and welcome me home when I return EXTREMELY late from a trip out of town this weekend. It's to attend an event I've been looking forward to for MONTHS now, that has finally arrived, which makes it seem almost like a dream. Like it's not REALLY happening, I'm just willing the illusion to SEEM real:) As a wonderful bonus, there will be some family time, AND opportunities to eat splendid, exotic food unlike anything they have in my lowly hometown! No offense, GR, of course. You know I love you to pieces! So sunshine and the dream of warmth really DO beget optimism and joy. 'Cause today, everything seems positive and exciting, like it's all going swimmingly. I have a feeling if I were down on the sidewalks trying to force my silly walker through the snow and ice, I'd be less ebullient:( Cursing the names of every business that refuses to shovel its sidewalk, drafting an angry letter in my head to the City Commission. But I have begun trying to limit how much I "drive" the walker in this weather; I don't think the ice and snow are good for its "mechanism" somehow, and I really don't want it giving me a hard time, making life difficult for me until I can get it replaced this summer. I COULD replace it this winter; if I had to. I have an extra walker on hand, and even if that one also somehow fell apart there IS a medical supply store on the bus line. BUT, our friends at Medicare won't cover a brand new walker more than once every five years. So I'm forced to be happy with my bald tires--even if they are big. At least the hand brakes are pretty good, even on ice! Enough about me. I'm happy I'm not bound to a wheelchair in these horrible conditions. My Michael used to work so hard driving his wheelchair all summer, and now I know exactly why. The fierceness of the Michigan winters makes one much more inclined to "hermit", and to say other four letter words about leaving the house! And if he didn't have a lot of muscle built into his body by the time the cold weather hit, he'd probably lose it to atrophy as the days stretched on. I end up down on myself, depressed that I don't make more of an effort to get out there and do stuff, or anxious that life is passing me by:( I think that's what has begat this surge of doing things this week. I've been indoors doing absolutely nothing of any importance for so long I'm literally sick. Sick in body and sick in soul, of sitting around. Something I read today spoke to me. It said that most people get horribly discouraged by the progress they make toward their goals, 'cause they don't think it's "big" enough, not realizing that real progress is always achieved through "baby steps" over a long period of time. Then I realized that maybe, just maybe, this blog is one of the baby steps I'M taking toward achieving my goal:) That was tremendously uplifting, and the motivation I needed to get up and go out to that lecture I mentioned earlier! Isn't it remarkable what a little sunshine can do?