Locked-In

So much construction! Over night this weekend, barrier fences sprouted around my little corner of downtown, making me feel even MORE closed-in than limited mobility. I can only imagine, looking back on it, that this is how my paraplegic fiance must have felt almost every day of his life. Save for those brief years before, and a few days years after the cancer and his subsequent injury, I know he had to have felt locked in:( With the walls closing in around ME, I try to remember that they are temporary. As with every other section of the street I have SEEN them repair and leave behind in the weeks and months prior, I know intellectually I'm not a caged animal. It just feels a little like it. Thank goodness for the motorcycles' roaring engines, and the distant train whistle, reminding me that there's plenty of the world still carrying on as usual beyond my street! And lately I've seen a number of my building-mates close to home, reminding me that they too can leave and go far away to their jobs or whatever calls them, then return to this semi-isolated spot at day's end. It's not always the first thing that comes to mind, but if I ponder the situation long enough; there's plenty of optimism. Another bright spot (for me, though understandably not everyone has the same experience) was church this morning. Actually, it did me a WORLD of good. I had to rush to get out the door in time, but amazingly, I did (with a very truncated "routine") and found a seat up fairly close to the front--my usual post. I prefer to be close because my eyes don't work together. At least THIS way the picture is clear, if still a little fuzzy:) And I was rewarded. Not only was every element of the service and the liturgy especially moving, the sermon was incredible! And I made sure to tell the minister as much afterward, even though others in the procession line TRIED to hurry me past him. Determination is kind of a thing with me. If I fix my mind on something, it's getting done even if it takes me longer. And if I DO "step on the gas", so to speak, it's my doing, nobody else's, and no one else need worry or comment about it--although often they do. And then there's always this blog to make me feel connected. I've been reading a novel set in pre-Internet Alaskan bush country this weekend. It's so engaging I don't even worry that it's overdue; the fine should be fairly low considering I cannot put it down. For anybody interested, it's Kristen Hannah's "The Great Alone," and it describes loneliness and isolation beautifully. As well as the things that make us feel trapped. Or connections, obligations, even just imagined responsibilities we think keep us locked down. I cannot imagine how lost and alone I would feel in THAT world--a world without the mysterious vastness of Technology to bring the world to me, if I can't get to it. At the end of the day, teaches this novel, it's all movable. Like construction that seems to go on forever and ever and barriers that seem rooted to the ground. They'll fade eventually. There IS still an unblocked path to church (a joy to discover)...and I'm not trapped.