Getting easier...
Very slowly, things are crawling into place. Life still feels precarious sometimes, and sometimes I still have to shake myself out of the shock and conviction that this should not be happening. The fact is it is happening.
And it's getting easier. My would-be mother-in-law entered my home when I was at my mother's still in the throes of miserable grief, having told herself she would be doing me a favor taking away anything that reminded me of Mikel, and took everything.that she had given him over the years, including a big-screen TV, some furniture, some of our linens and bathroom stuff. Plus a computer monitor that belongs to me, she took in error. Other things she moved, so I now have to find them:) Wasn't that nice?
Flash forward a week, and my computer has been restored to me. It took a lot of negotiating and pride-swallowing on my part, but I finally, finally got through to her. And meanwhile my house is filling up. My mom and I have cleaned out Salvation Army and a garage sale that yielded a marvelous deal on three comfy chairs. I have big plans for the changes I'd like to make, but that's all in the future. I feel no need to run around and get them done now.
And during all of this, the weather here has been sublime. Extremely hot, but not a drop of rain to interfere with me rebuilding my life. Yesterday my mom observed, "it would be just like Mikel to arrange the perfect weather for you." I had to agree. As him, I added, "she's always cold, make sure that she's warm."
His greatest comfort in life was taking care of me or knowing I was well taken care of. Even at the hospital, when it got past a meal time and I was still at his side, Mikel would turn and say "I need you to go eat." He was so good to me.
In high school, I picked up a little quote from Winnie the Pooh. "You know who you're friends are when your honey pot is empty." At my most desperate and fragile, the friends I barely knew, who I'd made only through our mutual friendship with Mikel, have adopted me. The best man and a bridesmaid from California check in with me through text and phone at least once a day. I've promised to come visit when time and money permit.That's my new project. In the absence of Mikel's well-being as my top priority, I've found somewhere else to focus my energies. And it's working well.
And it's getting easier. My would-be mother-in-law entered my home when I was at my mother's still in the throes of miserable grief, having told herself she would be doing me a favor taking away anything that reminded me of Mikel, and took everything.that she had given him over the years, including a big-screen TV, some furniture, some of our linens and bathroom stuff. Plus a computer monitor that belongs to me, she took in error. Other things she moved, so I now have to find them:) Wasn't that nice?
Flash forward a week, and my computer has been restored to me. It took a lot of negotiating and pride-swallowing on my part, but I finally, finally got through to her. And meanwhile my house is filling up. My mom and I have cleaned out Salvation Army and a garage sale that yielded a marvelous deal on three comfy chairs. I have big plans for the changes I'd like to make, but that's all in the future. I feel no need to run around and get them done now.
And during all of this, the weather here has been sublime. Extremely hot, but not a drop of rain to interfere with me rebuilding my life. Yesterday my mom observed, "it would be just like Mikel to arrange the perfect weather for you." I had to agree. As him, I added, "she's always cold, make sure that she's warm."
His greatest comfort in life was taking care of me or knowing I was well taken care of. Even at the hospital, when it got past a meal time and I was still at his side, Mikel would turn and say "I need you to go eat." He was so good to me.
In high school, I picked up a little quote from Winnie the Pooh. "You know who you're friends are when your honey pot is empty." At my most desperate and fragile, the friends I barely knew, who I'd made only through our mutual friendship with Mikel, have adopted me. The best man and a bridesmaid from California check in with me through text and phone at least once a day. I've promised to come visit when time and money permit.That's my new project. In the absence of Mikel's well-being as my top priority, I've found somewhere else to focus my energies. And it's working well.
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