Broken Lives Matter

It's becoming harder not to think about what I've always had faith in. The only clearer indicator would be if moonlight flooded the hospital room every night, as God has always been represented by moonlight to me. And when I was very sick in the hospital with shunt malfunctions or encephalitus, somehow my faith wrapped me in a warm, safe cucoon. Just like right after the death of my father, at the darkest points in my life, at the saddest and loneliest moments, I feel faith pulling me back. However much I've tried to find other answers to the cosmic questions, it's impossible to ignore the feeling of being protected, a sense that although things may be terrible and tragic for a while, eventually they will turn out even better than they were before. This ecperience will change us. It will make us stronger as individuals and as a couple. He'll know he can rely on me, and I'll be rewarded for loving him so much-- with an unwavering devotion. For making a lif...

This morning I arrived at the hhospital before 8:00 after spending the night at home, marveling at the transformation since my mother had come and cleaned and organized like banshhee, indulging in a soak in my wonderful bathtub, and a fitfull night's sleep. Coming into the room I asked Mikel how he was doing, and he smiled; "I survived the nighht without you." So we're surviving. This is incredibly difficult, but I'm sure there must be a reason. Maybe he was juust tryng to do so much, trying to accomplish too much, and Fate had to step in and slow him down because he's supposed to stay with me for a long time:) That's what I'd like to believe. Meanwhile I'm finding ways to make myself useful to him, something I don't always remember being able to do when we were just living at home. He was always the go-getter who tried to be productive every day; I often felt like I was a lazy homebody, 'cause I honestly didn't always feel like ...

I sit awake after four hours of sleep (my new average) at Spectrum Butterworth hospital. My poor, sweet, smart, wonderful Michael has been here since shortly after my last entry, Tuesday. He awoke from a nap in our home unable to swallow and with numbness in the left side of his face.That seems like a lifetime ago. We spent six hours in the ER, five of them in the brilliantly illuminated hallway. I stole away to the waiting room a couple times to clear my head; I've never seen it so busy. They had to call people's names like at a regular doctor's office. The hallways were so conjested with stretchers and supply carts I could barely snake my way through-- and I had jumped into the ambulance without my walker! He was finally admitted to a tiny little room that is packed with stuff-- his, mine and the hospital's all crammed into every available crevice. There's about a two foot path around his bed for medical staff to maneuver, and it seems good enough. Suddenly...

We've got a discounted rate on a block of rooms at the gorgeous Amway Grand Plaza Hotel right in the heart of down town Grand Rapids, and only a stone's throw away from the wedding venue, St. Cecelia's Music Center:) For anyone who might be interested, the woman to speak to is Grace Hill. Just tell her you're part of the Cypert-O'Rourke wedding, and I'm sure she'll take good care of you. I traded emails with Ms. Hill for several hours today, and she was more than generous. To be sure, these beautiful rooms are still a little bit on the pricey side, but as some one who's stayed there before, I can assure you it's well worth it. Not to mention, as Michael pointed out, the rate at which these rooms are being offered puts them right in line with the cheaper options. The difference becomes how close you will be to the action!

Getting anxious! I know it's still four months away; we've got tbe whole miserably hot, humid summer to endure before we even have time to think about a wedding! Still, I'd love to really know exactly how many people will be joining me and Michael, and how many special little touches I can add to make the uniique event even more special for all the people who make the effort to come. We just spoke to the caterer again, and he gave us a rough, very reasonable estimate on what the food will cost. The bakery has known for some time just to "aim high" and however many people show up to eat cake will be well taken care of! But there's still a million tiny details thhat come to my head; place settings-- how many per table? They cani seat eight people, but won't the party look awfully small if a really small number come, and everybody's scrunched into only a few tables? What if we actually have a bigger number come, against expectations; how should we ...

You've all been so wonderfully supportive and understanding, we've decided we're going to do something for you. Until now, unofficially we have been kicking around the idea of making our wedding "dry," as alcohol free as Kentucky on Sunday. Even as understanding as our wonderful attendees (as yet an undetermined number) have been online, I knew that having nothing for our guests to celebrate with in person would be pushing it. SO WE'RE HAVING AN OPEN BAR! The details of exactly what will be available during dinner are not yet decided, but it's one of the first things on my list for the upcoming week. This is our treat for all you who really read my blog; you get to know before anyone else that you will not be missing your slight wedding buzz on our special day:)

Here is all the information about the bridesmaid dresses. This is the style: Morilee Style: 20201 Color Truffle. They come strapless with spagetti straps to be sewn in, and also come with a matching shawl. Notice she has her hand in one of the in-seam pockets, which are deep and wonderful and will hold you phone. This is the color:  (It's called truffle) The fabric is taffeta. But it's not the noisy kind, it has a really nice feel-- Everyone will need to go to a bridal store or seamstress and get your measurments.  There are places you can order online, with some discounted prices, like: VictoriasBridalCouture.com but remember they take up to 13 weeks to deliver! Thank you very much. PS Bridal has it for $136 in truffle, and fast shipping and no tax! Reply Reply to all Forward    

Isn't it wonderful to be vindicated? To have even a small suspicion confirmed? Well tonight I finished a book that confirmed what I have long suspected; living with some one missig one sense not only sharpens theirs, but yours as well. Part of the clarity in my left ear suffered from music cranked up way too loud when I was an angsty teenager, trying to drown out my inner demons. But in my right ear, it seems everything is sharper and clearer--not just clearer than Michael's, but clearer than I even thought:) It seems I am, for lack of a better phrase, "hearing for two." The book that taught me such thigs are possible is called The Lantern , by Deborah Lawerenson, and it's a fun little read. I enjoy novels that take me away to a different world, and this semi-fictional novel does that marvelously, back to the Provence region of France in the early-mid 20th Century, telling the life story of a blind woman who found her calling creating perfumes. Her sense of ...

Well, we signed with the DJ finally on Friday. He understood our "Old Celtic" theme, and appreciated our reasons for placing the date on a Wednesday, and he wasn't phased by the fact that we chose "Halloween." Once we explained that the date has nothing to do with Halloween, of course:) We came back from bringing our wedding closer to reality and beauty and the AC was completely out, as it had always  been since we moved in. We hadn't noticed yet, of course, but  now it had reached a crisis. Michael's heart started beating very fast, pounding out of his chest, and I was absolutely terrified. Long story short, crisis managed.  One chamber of Michael's heart had "gone rogue" so to speak and gone into a rhythm of its own choosing, which I'm guessing is why we both could feel it, but Michael was responsive and almost cheerful the whole time. One of the parts I loved about his profile on the dating website was that he seemed to have the...

Meeting with a DJ later today, though not entirely sure when. Those musicians! They run on interesting hours. We've become well acquainted with this facet of their existance sheltering Michael's aide, who among many other things performs every weekend as the lead singer for a local band. They're out every weekend, performing all over the state 'til all hours:) My fiance and I have never been bothered by her comings and goings. Fortunately some brilliant architect from years ago decided to put a door between the kitchen and the back stairs, rendering the footsteps of those who trudge in nearly inaudible to those peacefully asleep at the other end of the house. As fas as how long we will have a DJ for on the night of our splendid affair, I'm really torn. We already have some live music that will provide lovely entertainment during the ceremony and part of the reception, but I really think at some point we should add some recorded music; while it doesn't mean ...

Hello! You can't imagine the busy-ness factor around here, nor the stress and the constant whirring of a brain trying to deal with the  infintesimal minutia of planning a wedding and major construction while trying not to haul off and commit atrocities;) It's hard to remember to eat, let alone contribute to my splendid blog. Thankfully, every once in a while there are quiet moments when my fiance and I just drift into different parts of the house to do our own thing, and this allows me the peace of mind to finally drift onto wedding topics. My favorite thing. The best thing is when we are able to decide on something together, and accomplish it with one deft stroke and a deep sigh. Today, it was wedding cake flavors and shape. I'm going to selfishly hide the details so there will be surprise at the reception. But just to tease you I will say that my colors of green and brown (honoring the fact that we "brought each other to life" so to speak) are well repres...

It's an incredible thing, being here at the Barnes & Noble in Rivertown Crossings mall, writing. Writing has always been as easy to me as breathing. In childhood, in adolescence, all through my twenties, up to present day—writing was my second skin. The world is going on around me; the cappuccino machine is grinding away, old-time Lionel Richie is piping through the speakers, and the usual bibliophiles' chatter joins it, but writing blocks it all out. It's the one and only constant delight I have enjoyed my entire life, giving me an escape from chaos and routine. Weirdly, this joins the new joy of writing on my own new laptop, purchased with my future husband, a million miles from the New Jersey mountain town I grew up in. This brings to life the saying that “life begins outside your comfort zone”; my comfort zone as I knew it nearly a year ago has been completely replaced; childhood and youth—even unto almost my thirties, was wonderful. I've had the most ...

Well, it's been so long! Because I am back to my life. Alger Heights has embraced me and mine once again, and construction on our home continues--looking amazing:) Meanwhile I am teaching myself to be a very good cook, and to clean house like the houusewives of the Oklahoma Dust Bowl. Every night I mop the floors of the back of the house; it has gone from four smaller rooms to a palacial bedroom and bathroom with a small office! It's going to be wonderful. The two stall garage that is largely useless to us has become a cozy and beautiful oasis; the wooden frame of a double jacuzzi with room for a sauna! Then of course there's still one stall to protect the cars of future guests (we can't wait to have you all!) Tonight before I fill the bucket with water once again for a nightly sponging, I had to write and gloat about the wonderful thick, tasty burgers I made with a cookbook by Rachel Ray-- Just in Time . I wanted to celebrate my first time watching the Kentucky De...

Hello loyal readers! I come to you from my cousin's small but very impressive, beautifully run (as it would have to be, since he's the general manager) Courtyard by Marriott hotel in Benton Harbor, Michigan:) We're on our little vacation a la Extreme Makeover: Home Edition , keeping our distance from the remodeling of our home, and we're enjoying it:) Comfortable, amazingly friendly, this town is surprising me after less than a year away! Speaking of comfortable, I slept beautifully last night and had a plethora of very good dreams. One of the only ones I remember was about the renovations. The size of the rooms in our home seemed to have quadrupled, and everything from floor to ceiling was covered in white sheets. It reminded me even in the dream of the scene in ET: The Extraterrestrial when government scientists take over Elliot's home and everything is covered in plastic sheeting. Weird. And I think in my dream the floor even shook like the plastic walls...

Hey! Such an exciting day:) My mother and grandmother came to town earlier to take us out to lunch, after which they took my little dog Mary with them, so she'd be out of the construction worker's way while they tear apart and reassemble the back end of our house this coming week:) When I got home, the first credit card I've ever had in my name was waiting for me! I have to admit this was a little frightening. I've avoided credit cards all my life, afraid of unnamed horrors in my own mind that would ultimately lead to my imprisonment:) Silly, yes, but this is how "financially savvy" I can be. Mikel walked me through the process of charging my first ever purchase, an addition to the home I'm actually really excited about--these tumblers! They are almost exactly like a very pretty set my grandmother has in blue , which I guess confirms that I'm actually a grand dame in a 30-year-old's body! But hey, I think they're pretty, and now I'll ...