Broken Lives Matter

https://themighty.com/2017/04/my-disability-is-part-of-who-i-am/?utm_source=Disability_Page&utm_medium=Facebook&fbclid=IwAR14HZU_JGHb868hZHQuIquVvSeforIyovmIBT_1h1lICM46Yk3TDmI9nok This popped up in my Facebook feed, as I am a loyal follower of several disability sites. And it spoke to me on a very deep level about something I'm really just starting to realize. As the author Lisa, says in her article, it's taken me a while to come to terms with exactly what bothered me when people say "I don't see your disability." Now I realize it bothers me because to not see my disability is to to not see ME as I am. I mean, of course I don't want you to look down on me because I use a mobility aid. But that's just it--a mobility aid is not something to be looked down on! And therein lies the fundamental problem. In this American society, walkers and wheelchairs are for the elderly and infirm, who for various reasons don't fit the ideal image of what m...

Oh what a difference a few days make! I'm not locked in anymore:) I can get to church through my usual route, and not to mention all the other places along the road that used to be blocked! I visited restaurants along that street often, and the Contemporary Art museum is like a second home:) I took the long, round-about way to church today, but found out on my way home that I'm no longer boxed into a corner! So that was lovely. I feel like it's been 100 years since I stretched my legs. One thing did occur to me as Ableist while I was out walking. The supposedly "accessible" crossing signals that tell pedestrians when to cross assume WAY too much for the downtown area. They don't say "You are on--and it is safe to cross", they say "WAIT...WAIT" and "Walk, sign says walk," withe the street names preceding them. But think about it. If you were blind (or even if you just couldn't read the street signs from across the street...

This keeps showing up in my Facebook feed:)

Well, Lovelies...I'm at a loss! The construction situation downtown just keeps getting worse. I've ordered food delivery many times to avoid having to take a round-about way to the bus stop and cause my knees further discomfort. And it's better to leave as early as possible for church on Sunday, 'cause the only way to get THERE is all the way down the hill, then up and across a farther street:( And with the weather like it's been, I sweat profusely after just a few moments, though I'd have sworn I was in pretty decent shape. C'est la vie I guess. What an annoyance! I cannot wait for the day when it's cool enough to wear jeans AND a scarf around your neck, and walking my normal route to where ever I please isn't exhausting. In cooler weather I can do a mile without hardly even thinking about it. As it is, I feel every step and every divot in the broken roads they're NOT fixing.

So much construction! Over night this weekend, barrier fences sprouted around my little corner of downtown, making me feel even MORE closed-in than limited mobility. I can only imagine, looking back on it, that this is how my paraplegic fiance must have felt almost every day of his life. Save for those brief years before, and a few days years after the cancer and his subsequent injury, I know he had to have felt locked in:( With the walls closing in around ME, I try to remember that they are temporary. As with every other section of the street I have SEEN them repair and leave behind in the weeks and months prior, I know intellectually I'm not a caged animal. It just feels a little like it. Thank goodness for the motorcycles' roaring engines, and the distant train whistle, reminding me that there's plenty of the world still carrying on as usual beyond my street! And lately I've seen a number of my building-mates close to home, reminding me that they too can leave ...

Very Late Evening, Lovelies! Unfortunately the sun pouring through the windows today has worn me out almost as much as walking around the tiny little rural town of Douglas, MI, with a good friend, so this post won't be extremely long:( Just wanted to mention that the buildings in larger cities have given me such a good feeling about the progress the ADA standards have made! Poor little Douglas has some cute, quaint shops and plenty of equally impressive restaurants with very friendly people. But absolutely nothing is very well conceived for accessibility. And it's a shame because the town is so charming! Not to mention beautiful, with rolling fields and vineyards, and "U-Pick" orchards for raspberries and other fruits--you don't stop loving those things if you've suddenly become disabled. And if you've ALWAYS been disabled, imagine if you never knew the pure joy of eating a berry you just picked from the bush? Most of those orchards had accompanying...

For a few years now, I've grown more and more disappointed with myself. Dissatisfied with my life. Unhappy. What is that? What reason have I to feel that way? Well anybody can feel sorry for himself; it's the human condition, I'm afraid. But the thing I realize is that with all the comparing I do of my life to other people's, I should realize more vividly how much I have to be THANKFUL for, not how much I don't have. I mean, maybe that sounds trite, or whatever, but honestly, I've been extremely lucky/fortunate/blessed since I finally got out of my youth. Others might pine for their "lost youth"--to me it wasn't a loss, so much as a release. I haven't suffered the symptoms of a Hydrocephalic (praise God) since my mid-late 20s. I've had some inconvenience centering around using a walker for balance because of my Cerebral Palsy, but in the grand scheme of my life, I've barely even registered any of those "inconveniences" as ...

Happy Monday, Lovelies! I know that's a contradiction in terms; Mondays are not, by their nature, generally very happy at all. But this one has brought a lot of long-awaited rain with it, which makes ME extremely happy. I just wanted to mention that yesterday I noticed that in addition to all the obtrusive, invasive, noisy, bus-diverting-everywhere road construction being done, there are ALSO repairs being made that effect pedestrians:) Returning from church, I noticed that a very cracked, uneven section of the sidewalk had been filled in. It's like an ugly scar--doesn't look fabulous. But it's a sign of improvements actually being made, and that's exciting! This was particularly good to see in my case, since I'd encountered a lot of inaccessible features at a restaurant Saturday. And then during a subsequent shopping trip, there was the problem of aisles narrowed by merchandise "clutter", of course, as happens frequently. I'm very adept by...

The following article inspired me. I frequent the Amtrak so often all the conductors and some of the attendant's know me. I've seen how able-bodied traveler's comfort and enjoyment are a priority among the staff, and that needs to extend to people of all abilities. Some changes have been made to the infrastructure that in many cases predates an age when people with mobility concerns went anywhere. They have provided folded metal ramps that the disabled then have to inform the conductor they need set out for them. And there are questions while booking train travel that allow you to specify when and where you need assistance (i.e. on the train, just at the station, that kind of thing)...but such accommodations are NOT being made to airline travel Service animals of all kinds are permitted, oddly. But if I trust my walker to flight attendants I must first endure their disapproval (they let me know through eye rolls that it's an inconvenience), and then I can only say a pr...

I can understand Illinois' motivation for trying to save money. But what else could this be but blatant discrimination? Laying off disabled workers AHEAD of the increase? Something is very wrong here: https://www.wcia.com/news/local-news/goodwill-pulls-paychecks-from-disabled-workers/?fbclid=IwAR0g3fiwnLB9tVAPEhdUqmp7y2E9YAxM6_P0-3GKFLQloLxoeTu_vXGAEII

Good Evening, Lovelies! I'm fresh from volunteering (hanging out is more like it; the kids with ASD just seem like kids to me), listening to music, enjoying the blessedly cool breezes, breathing easily for two seconds on a very hectic day! It seriously feels to me like I've been running after people all day long. Some of that I put on myself, grant you, by forcing myself up and into the shower and out the door in about half the time it usually takes--'cause I overslept. But then on the way to my first thing, the heel of my shoe sheered clean off:) As if it had just said "to hell with this, I'm done!" As I was going uphill, no less:( So needless to say, I staggered back home and by then, I had already missed most of the event anyway. It was only two hours long. So I counted my losses and stayed in to catch my breath--momentarily. I was almost late to volunteer at an art gallery too! Though miraculously the coordinator (who I know from church) and I kept ...

Ladies and Gentlemen, Is it odd that I "hermit" in the blazing hot summer?! Afraid to leave my relatively cool apartment. Content to order in and play nature sounds of wind or rain, and let a prescription written weeks ago lapse into oblivion...it doesn't concern me:) Happy to stay in and pay bills online. Well, not HAPPY, but certainly more willing to do that than to risk passing out in this heat!! That's the reason I'm putting off picking up my prescription! It's at a pharmacy that I know keeps its internal temperature WELL below the outside, so as you cross the threshold the fluctuation makes you light-headed. Better not to risk it. And I have a busy couple of days coming up, so I need to conserve energy. And it simply has to rain soon!! Aside from the heat, and the dormant humidity sitting on your skin making the air heavy and the allergens feisty, the pressure differences are ALSO messing with my head, just as badly as anything else:( And I'm not...

Another hot, sunny, allergen-rich day:( Remembering my dear Michael today is the only thing that's been more important. It was this day, seven years ago at exactly 2:10 in the afternoon, I lost him. But it has been a remarkable catalyst for everything that's followed! The people I've met, places I've gone, things I've done...they've all blown my own mind. And I really don't think very much of it would have happened without that horrible tragedy. My life began when I met him. It CHANGED completely and utterly when he died. Looking back on it though, that was in many ways when everything started that would define me as the person I am now. Things were totally different with Michael. They were wonderful, but they were completely 100 percent different. And if he had lived, I would also be entirely different. Many times I've flattered myself that I knew my destiny. I thought Michael was it. But BOY was that misconception shattered when Michael died. And so ...

Hello Lovelies! Just checking in; literally nothing is new; I've been "sheltering in place" at my home since Wednesday. It's too hot, and the allergens fly too freely! I'm afraid I'd pass out from either the heat or suffocation if I ventured out:) But I don't mind. I have marvelous AC. I thank God every day for a safe, comfortable place to hide from this dreadful heat! And I don't think it's about to relent any time soon. I also thank God for allergy pills, 'cause I and so many others I know are constantly bothered by pollen and mold and EVERYTHING else "evil" flying through the air. I know a few people in California, and I just cannot imagine how they handle months and months of weather like this:( Although with them at least, I think it's mostly a dry heat. Meanwhile, putting ice in my coffee and pretending not to notice how long I run the air conditioning, for I know it will translate to "fun with bills" next mo...

Evening Lovelies! I was just exulting in the simple things that come when allergens (which have gotten extremely high of late) keep you for venturing out. Last night I heard the song "Ring of Fire" by Johnny Cash on ye olde traditional plug-in radio, which I still have by my bed because I am old-fashioned as can be an unashamed:) But how long has it been since anyone heard "Ring of Fire" on the radio in the Midwest?! It has to be at least 50 years. And even then it was probably either played ironically, to say "isn't this cute? This is what the old folks listened to" or it was an old folks radio station:) And this evening I almost wasn't going to MAKE a proper dinner. My church friends fed me well this afternoon; I even had a Klondike bar for dessert BEFORE Sunday brunch, much to my delight. But I'm so pleased I was able to throw together a very simple, very saucy Asian noodle salad so I won't go to bed kind of wishing I'd had a bi...

Well, the rain has finally cleared up! Just for the moment:( I think tonight is going to be more of the same "tears from Heaven" all night long:( Possibly. In Michigan, you never know. The forecast could be on point, or they could be completely wrong! So I've made plans to make tonight a "stay in" kind of night and order from somewhere for dinner. I hate to do that when the weather is bad, but of course sometimes it just can't be avoided. And as a friend of mine so wisely observed when I shared with him a similar story..."you've gotta eat." Indeed. We do what we have to. At least it dried off enough that the guys who play on the tiny basketball court below have resumed their game:) And music is roaring from somewhere--probably a festival of some kind. There are MANY this month covering just about everything. Pride, (LGBTQ community awareness), graduations, Father's Day...there's even a lot of little local shindigs happening on the ar...

I've gotten lost down a video watching worm hole! Before I climb back out and go to bed, let me share this sweet discovery that makes me SOOO happy, on a night when it's been pouring rain since at least 11:00. If it doesn't show the video for you, select the link, then copy and paste it into your browser...enjoy! https://www.facebook.com/BBCEurovision/videos/2209578292489804/

Good Evening Lovelies! This week has been so busy that as the title suggests, I completely lost track of days. As such, writing on the appointed day COMPLETELY slipped my mind:) But at least I remembered before the week was over. Kind of like paying my bills, which seldom happens PRECISELY on the day they're due, but I always manage to pay in a panic during the allotted grace period! In fact, so began my afternoon. I walked through the blazing sun to the library and made myself return a DVD that was slightly overdue. I thought at the very least I'd have to pay a SMALL fine. Nope! I made it just under the wire, apparently, and avoided any such thing as a fine:) Thank goodness. Luckily while I was there, I remembered a few extra things I needed to handle that were within the library's "sphere of control"--if you like--so I handled those! I got novels to carry me through at least June, hopefully longer. I want to be deeply involved in one of them by the time I ge...

Hello Lovelies! Today is horrible and rainy/cloudy, which suits my mood:( I've been think a lot about mental disability today (and every day, since May is Brain Tumor Awareness month). And I've always assumed I didn't qualify as "mentally disabled". But here's the thing--we're ALL dealing with things that sometimes make us FEEL disabled. In my quest to find something I'm good at, I've failed at so many things, so many times, that I've all but told myself to forget it. The list of things I've tried and failed at is discouragingly long, and it has occurred to me that mental disability doesn't HAVE to be the label we ascribe to ourselves. It is possible that certain things are just not for us. For example, I would be pretty useless at a job with an deviating schedule, even if I was the one who chose the hours! I'm not sure I'd be able to "maintain" at a position that was constantly in flux. But I still don't think...