Broken Lives Matter

Hello Lovelies! Just wanted to share how nice I've felt lately. It has been a revelation, discovering through multiple reels and posts and comments that I've been wrong about myself all along. I grew up thinking that because I get quiet in social situations, or because I hyper-fixate on different things all the time that consume my attention until I gradually wean myself off of them, there was something seriously wrong with me. I thought my inability to connect with people or make eye contact during small talk that I would die alone. And I had almost become comfortable with this. I was ready to accept it. Alone. How amazing it has been to see that "wrong" was entirely wrong. Thinking there was something fundamentally "unfixable" about me, resigning myself to eternal solitude to avoid the pain of stares and misunderstanding and ignorance did not  have to be my fate. I didn't have to feel like I was too much for this world. Somebody out there is willing to...

 This is just a really cool little photo I thought I'd share: https://www.facebook.com/groups/981878396466340/permalink/1126391062015072/

 Hello Lovelies! Revelations have been had just now. So this week I have been really  struggling with regulating my sleep schedule. A lot. I stayed up allllll night the night before the eclipse and ended up sleeping through the whole darn thing. Why did I stay up, you ask? Because I wasn't tired. I had done the exact same thing the night and day before. I've never  had a regulated schedule. Not even really when I was little. It's to do with the hospital stays and then the recovery and inactivity I think. I started out today being kind of down on myself; I've struggled all week with not hating myself for being so "abnormal". I should be like everyone else, right? At least that's what society would have me believe. Then just now I saw this wonderful reel that spurred me to action. It is wonderful these days, as I am relearning who I am as a more emotionally mature adult, to see things that vindicate my suspicion that there was never anything "wrong...

Hello Lovelies! Yes, it's been a minute. But let's not dwell on the past; some truly wonderful reels have been showing up in my feed, and I wanted to share one with you! Let me count the ways I love this video by Anthony Ferraro. Number 1, I love it because like Molly Burke, he is blind and giving us all a glimpse into his daily struggles and considerations that otherwise, I admit that even I wouldn't necessarily have thought of. Although there have definitely been times in my life when using my sense of touch, my tactile perception-- in addition to  my visual perception has helped me identify an object. Also because I lack most depth perception (one of my eyes turns nearly entirely inward toward the center), I have difficulty always being aware of the space around me. My spacial awareness or "place in the universe", if you like, isn't always immediately apparent. So I too have had to find ways of combating this problem, and attempt to be graceful when grace i...

 Hello Lovelies! I've had to take some personal time; this has been quite a roller coaster month. I'm sharing (perhaps for the second or maybe third time?) a little neurodiversity reel that touches my heart every time. Understand that when those of us with challenges--be they physical or  mental--feel understood by one person, it means the whole world . We struggle every single day just to exist in environments where our very existence was never accounted for. Better not seen and not heard, right? So when Lewis Capaldi felt understood in his challenges by thousands of concert goers?! My friends, I'm sure that none of us can even imagine what that felt like. You see him raise his eyebrows slightly as the crowd takes over for him, and just stand there listening for a moment. Then even as his tics from Tourette's Syndrome progress Capaldi sings one note, trying to join in the amazingly accepting moment, but he realizes he can't, bless him, and ultimately departs the st...

 Hello Lovelies! I found this video fascinating. For one thing, I've asked (and tried to determine) if I am Autistic even just by a little bit--throughout my life. And indeed, as a younger person I was quiet, introverted to a fault, and nearly non-verbal in a classroom. Turns out, I was just in entirely the wrong situation for my own learning style. A classroom full of almost-strangers is intimidating! Not to mention the colors, displays, learning tools and distractions all around me could be extremely detrimental to someone with sensory overload, which brings me to the first point. Temperature Regulation Issues My friends, the speaker in this video explains it so much more concisely than I could, but let me tell you, it's been a problem. I'm actually surprised that temperature regulation issues are specific to Autistic people in this reel, because it has been a problem for me that a number  of factors contribute to, not just neurodiversity. Who among us hasn't at one p...

Hello Lovelies! I've just looked at the forecast; come Monday the disrespectfully low temperatures and their wind chills, along with the mounds and mounds of fluffy white frozen marshmallow snow that causes depression will all begin to disappear! Personally, I cannot wait; I'm counting the hours. Meanwhile, I present you the cutest little snuggle button I've ever seen, small enough to snuggle in a tissue box, but he'd probably hate that because it would bother his arthritis:) I call him Toddy, though I bet he has a different name. What would YOU name this little bit? https://www.facebook.com/reel/2370445169827485 

Good Morning, Lovelies! Winter has finally come, well into the calendar season, and disrespectfully. There is a major storm brewing in the region for the entire weekend, to the point where I've cancelled everything for today, planning to hermit until any percieved danger is past:) This is good news for readers! And writers too; we can just stay in, silence phones and other technology, and focus on words on a page. Digesting or producing said words, it's much nicer than struggling through wind and weather. I didn't even read the windchill temperatures in online forecasts; I want to avoid despair. FOCUSING: I found the following while scrolling and it spoke to me. I won't go into exactly which things are triggered from my past or why, but there WAS an incident just this weekend that made this meme resonate like a Cathedral bell. Like a cave echo. Like a tuning fork. And it really made me think. If such can be true for me, it must also be extremely true for others. Whi...

For some people, their bliss is more important to them than doing the right thing. So they stay willfully ignorant. * To be clear, I have never experienced this personally--at least not in a way I noticed. But it happens to many, many of us. Like those people in wheelchairs who freeze to death outside their apartment building because nobody will open the door for them, or stop in their passing to call up (a very inaccessible feature for people in wheelchairs, I might add, as the keypad for an aparttment building is only eye-level to an able-bodied person) for someone to unlock the door. Maybe the person in the wheelchair is shy about asking those entering the building to hold it for them--if any happen by. Or maybe because it IS a cold night, nobody is going near the building doors either to go in OR come out. So those willfully unseen suffer:( This reminds me of my four years living in a downtown area, and all the unhomed individuals I saw every single day. I gave everything ex...

Hello Lovelies! I'm having a lonely moment:( It's another gray day in town, with snow in the forecast. And I know I'm not the only one getting gloomy this time of year, even without any snow. My sadness today comes from having to deal with "young people loneliness"--feeling isolated, feeling misunderstood, disrespected, and often disregarded...AS WELL as "old people loneliness"--that feeling that others are afraid you'll break if you hug them too tight:( When hugs are my very, favorite thing! Or if not my favorite thing, one of the top 5:) So because I believe if you have a grievance, you don't have to sit around and complain, you can get up and there is ALWAYS something to be done to get out of the situation--I'm doing something. Meet Clara Woods, a wonderful, mostly non-verbal stroke survivor. She's also remarkably young, which reminds me of my would-have-been husband Michael, who had a stroke as a very young man yet lived in a wheel...

Good evening lovelies! I've been scrolling and came across a very fun little tidbit to take us into a happy, healthy, inclusive new year:) Let's learn ASL with Debbie!: https://www.facebook.com/reel/3247738968863492 Happy New Year to All! Celebrate Wisely:)

After every single therapy session, or even just a dramatic moment of introspection, I find myself exhausted, in need of a nap:) It's because of this. Because it takes so very much out of a person physically to expose their beating heart in words, when it's been hidden for so very, very long. Indeed, I am continuously surprised that I even still HAVE a heart that beats for anyone other than myself. I have seriously thought for YEARS that those days were over.

Merry Christmas, Lovelies! We've entered the final countdown. Won't be long now, and you see signs of it everywhere. Miss Molly Burke has been posting reels an videos promoting different products EVERYWHERE, giving her own unique rundown on precisely how each item resonates with her and why, and I have to admit it IS wonderful. She does an admirable job. However, the following reel gave me pause. Speaking as a member of the community Burke sees herself as a part of, wherein I wholly accept her, of course, I have one thing to say about the cute little novelty item featured in her latest video. https://www.facebook.com/reel/357174180236257 Here's the thing. Advocating for the Able community, of which I know and love many, many members--Santa goes down the chimney. That is the story perpetuated, that is the accepted reality and the story told to countless children for hundreds of years. Why introduce a wheelchair into the situation? And furthermore, even if he DID manag...

Hello Lovelies! One of the reels I follow on Facebook has just added content! I've included it here to brighten your day as it did mine. Music is oh so important to me, as I hope you can tell, and as much as the purist in me repells the notion that this is "the last Beatles' song"--because it was generated only through AI and conjecture--the sentiment is genuine. I love that the kids in this video dedicated the song to their dad on his birthday, and that they worked so hard to show their dad how much he matters to them. I hope my own father knew... This is the link to the reel: https://www.facebook.com/stories/107006014914542/UzpfSVNDOjkwMTU2MjgzODE5NTcyNw==/?view_single=1 Here is the link to the video: YouTube link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZsd6gx2d-M Hanukah has ended, but there are still celebrations yet to be had this season! To those I say happy holidays, and I'll see you soon:)

Hello Lovelies! My what a long time it's been. What a busy season it's been! For me at least, though I can't speak for everyone. The following link leads to a Facebook reel that reminds me how difficult--nearly impossible--it is for other people in my community to get around, during a season when honestly, with decorations and twinkly lights and familiar carols-sometimes sung in professional choirs by people you know, you REALLY want to get around. Toward that end, I have recently gotten over my own restricting fear of the ride share service. Until about a month and a half ago, I'd been staying away from said service (in all its variations) and using only one set up by my city through the grid bus service--kind of as an after-thought/ADA-mandated provision. This meant that A) they operated on a sliding scale so that the Disabled buying blocks of tickets for them subsidized the city bus service that Able people used, and NOT the service included specifically for the ...

Good Morning Lovelies! I've just seen that my last little entry got more views than usual, which has made my day:) Let me present the following in hopes that we maybe even surpass the last number of views! As a side note, my favorite Christmas songs are "O Come Emmanuel" and "2,000 Miles" by The Pretenders. Here is Bitty and Beau's latest, festive ad: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GvlvfGZf-3A And here is Matt's favorite Christmas song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nlR0MkrRklg Lastly, here is a link to my favorite modern Christmas song, as it is by now a few years old and a bit on the obscure side--so might not ring a bell with some people: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GvlvfGZf-3A Enjoy, everyone! I haven't felt "in the Christmas spirit" until I listened to "2,000 Miles", now I'm feeling joyous:) I'm sure I'll blog before the big holiday, but in case I don't, for those who celebrate, do have...

Hello Lovelies! Just sharing something cute I found. I didn't become the happy face realizing that trauma rewires your brain until much later in my healing journey. I hope that this finds someone who hasn't realized it yet, but is now that much closer--at a much younger age:) https://www.facebook.com/reel/969370487663776

Hello Lovelies! On the way out the door, ready for the impending holiday and looking forward to the many happy days of celebration to come. Since it has been a long time, once again, I wanted to send us all on our happy way with a wonderful bit of inspiration. I have always loved watching ballet, though physical grace of my own--is elusive:) Maybe that's why I DO love it. Watching the video below, I am reminded how I use my own arms for whatever grace and balance I can muster:) So the strength in this beautiful lady's legs must be impressive, to keep her so perfectly balanced and on pointe at all time. The use of the "e" at the end of point was very intentional, by the way. Also, notice how she stands even pre-show, in an elegant 3rd Position with one foot flat in front of the other, ready to dance.

Hello Lovelies! This entry is also about an image, but there's more to it than that. The picture I chose is of a wheelchair-bound concert goer with an intense expression but obviously challenged by CP or maybe something else--having a great time. He AND his wheelchair are being hoisted above the crowd to do a little surfing:) The caption reads: "Also Heavy Metal Hard Rock." As in, there are no requirements to what celebrating the music looks like. As in life, there are no requirements for the "right" anything. It is what it is. I've seen this meme before--may even have posted it here once. But I will never stop loving it, nor will it ever stop being relevant. I commented on the post: "there is so much heart in metal." As in life, there are those who look like everyone else at the concert and rock out in their own ways, and there are those who break the mold but are lifted up.

Hello Lovelies! Here we are again after just one day:) I decided not to allow myself another long time-lapse before adding content, an I really enjoyed this young lady's take on her own challenges. Very self-aware. I know I was certainly not that poised when I was younger! My generation (at least from my perspective) was all doing the best it could, but struggling to grip the walls of the slippery under-ground river of life we navigated. That was my impression, anyway! And I found it most relatable how "Actually Izzy" has trouble reading tone. Myself I find it hard to "stay with" jokes. Not so much that I miss the point, just that I kind of dissasociate. I assume that the sarcasm applied is rhetorical, as if it WOULD be hilarious, IF it happened, but not that it has. Thus, I miss out on a lot of punchlines. I assume they either don't apply to my current situation, or the joke actually being told, or that they have come at the wrong time in the story. En...