So HOT

It's quite warm today. As it is every day:( This summer seems endless. Of course winter does too, around March when everything lingers. The snow and ice seem to just circle the block in February, then hit us again in March like they were just off getting supplies:( That doesn't mean I have to like it; this eternal struggle against allergies and the heat and never being able to sleep with my window open...I am so ready for it to be over. Lately it's been even more interesting, with my muscles and joints constantly protesting the "rain" that is allegedly "coming." Most of the time it never does rain, I just suffer for what my body thinks is going to happen! And I've started arguing with myself: should I call my potential employer and ASK if I'm hired? Just to put myself out of my misery? Or is that terribly bad form, and I should just wait 'til tomorrow, when supposedly I will hear from THEM either way? Ah restlessness:( How you love to mess with our minds and make us overthink every single situation until we're blue! In fact, the propensity to overthink everything is in itself disabling. I'm sure it falls under "symptom" of some other disorder--anxiety, depression, schizophrenia, insomnia...any of those. But it really feels like it could be a stand alone issue, doesn't it? I mean, who's to say overthinking doesn't actually CAUSE all those other conditions? That seems like it would make just as much sense. Then a lot more of us would be classified "disabled" though:( And I don't want that. I don't wish the things I've had to go through on anybody! Not that I think other people can't handle it. I mean, for goodness sake, if I can handle it, anyone can. But for a relatively small thing like "overthinking"? I mean, that's like the early 20th Century "Mourning and Melancholia", when Sigmund Freud and his contemporaries thought depression was madness, and people suffering with it should be institutionalized. I just think overthinking can be AS debilitating to a human being as any of the "real" disabilities out there. And even if the most "harm" it really does is to make somebody a procrastinator, well, certainly depression and other disabilities do the same thing, don't they? At least, they CAN. My apartment is a mess; so many things I have to do are piled up all around me. I keep just putting them off and putting them off...I sometimes feel like I'm drowning in projects:( BUT...when it is oppressively hot and there's nothing to do but stay inside where there's AC...what can you do? Walking behind the walker can be excruciatingly slow. I find myself pushing it with a certain desperation in the heat, telling it "c'mon, you can do this; we're almost there." Is that me just trying to encourage MYSELF and not the walker? Probably. Why are the trials of disability so much more pronounced during extreme heat and extreme cold? I could overthink the answer to THAT one until the seasons change...