Broken Lives Matter

Been a few days since I posted, and I feel bad:( Though I had hoped I'd be able to give you all good news (and boast a little) about my job, apparently they're not done with interviews so, we'll have to wait 'til after the THREE DAY WEEKEND!!! I'm so looking forward to this weekend, can you tell? No big plans or anything, but "rest without guilt" time, so I can't wait. What I mean when I say "rest without guilt" is that in this society, if you spend too much time in your pajamas for no reason, you are considered lazy. And society looks down on and devalues your existence! It doesn't matter what I endured to get where I am or what I have; some people still treat me like I don't deserve it. At least that's been my experience. Even having a blog I updated daily didn't quiet the self-shaming voices in my head telling me "you could be so much more..." Hence my tenuous return to the working world. Thanks to a few much...

Well, I think I've lost the Paratransit ID that I JUST renewed at the end of July:( This is the magical pass that I flash at City bus drivers that allows me to ride without charge! So disappointed with myself that I lost it. But I figure, the last time I used it had to have Tuesday, when I was riding the bus every which way and running tons of errands. Hard to keep up with everything you're juggling under those circumstances! It probably slipped out of the sleeve when I was sitting down and folding up my walker while trying to keep an eye on my purchases and my purse on the bus, while simultaneously trying to have manners and keep the aisle clear. At least it wasn't my wallet though. So of course, I forgive myself. Life goes on! Thank God it's not an expensive replacement. My "punishment" will be going where all the busses congregate and all the city's transportation needs are met, standing for another ID photo, something I NEVER look forward to. But aft...

Last night we had an amazing rain storm:) Finally. It's been at LEAST two weeks since we had any rain at all, and ALL summer since we've had a huge thunderstorm. Today is not going to be any cooler thanks to it; the high is still up near 90. But I've got plans to visit with a friend later, so I'm happy even though it is, as some members of my family would say, "hawt." Very, very hot indeed:) But I'm just happy my computer works! It spent all day in limbo, "resting" 'cause I think I've been on it way too often for way too long. It just got "overwhelmed." And it's happened before. Sigh...technology. But I've started doing stretches 2-3 times a day. I rest my feet on the window ledge beside my bed and lean across one leg at a time for a minute thirty seconds. It helps with the tightness in my tendons, which is heightened whenever there's rain. I think it might also be helping with that constant foot dragging that I...

I did some Google sleuthing (I call it bullet biting when I Google an ailment), and turns out the very annoying pain that is also very painful, but seems to come from nowhere and nothing on my left foot MIGHT be a Morton's Neuroma! Yep; they have a name for it. A heretofore "old lady" name I never would have thought would befall ME, but: -- The pain centralized on the pad of the foot between my third and fourth toes. -- It's a pinched nerve, which WebMD just calls a build-up of tissue around the nerves, which is EXACTLY what I'm feeling; not a wart or a corn or anything like that. -- It's right at the base of a toe I have that (after years of walking way up on my toes and wearing ill-fitting shoes) is curled like a freakin' Cheeto, which I have also learned through research is called a "hammer toe." Of course I'd heard the name, but until now I've never known what it was. Glad I finally do. -- WebMD also says that hammer toes can LEA...

Amazing little video:) And I agree wholeheartedly with Sarah's final sentiment! I've ALWAYS been a little different, like Miss Adaera, and we've both somehow managed to have QUITE amazing lives!

Quite an amazing thing, huh? I'm amazed and delighted for these guys; to paraphrase "The Gospel According to the Son" by Norman Mailer, and the Bible: 'they're here not only so that the blind can see, but to teach those who thought they could see that they are blind'

Looking forward to the movie "date" I'm taking myself out on in a few hours! The rain isn't due here until 4 AM tomorrow morning; I figure I'll be fine walking to and from the theater. I'll be happy to do a little working out first, stretching especially! My feet have been hurting lately, punishing me for years of not paying enough attention to them:( But maybe it's not too late. Maybe I can still pamper my feet and ankles and make them serve me well for the rest of my life! A couple of years ago I stretched three times a day RELIGIOUSLY, and got my legs in pretty good shape! And my feet never hurt. So I'm just being careful and mindful of how I treat my poor little feet and the joints attached to them:) My hope is that an injury doesn't make me MORE disabled:( I know it's a reality for so many of the Disabled, but I (perhaps arrogantly) thought that in terms of getting my fair share--CP and the Hydrocephalus that caused it, as well as bei...

Hello! Today I've enjoyed a lot of relaxing. Yesterday being as emotional as it was, and as physically taxing, I was just wiped out this morning. Slept in, then watched the world go on without me outside my apartment windows! Later came another grocery delivery I've been needing for a few days now, which gave me such a sense of well-being--I fell into a happy nap! Sometimes this kind of "lazy day-zee" is a God send. Tomorrow I'll begin working out so I'm in a little better shape should I be hired into the position I seek:) Part of my tiredness this morning came from the realization that the "front of the house" tri-fold position of usher/coat check/ticket taker would require stamina I do NOT have right now...so I'm going to seek THAT as well. The right exercise does wonders. Plus I'd like to look good in the "white shirt, black pants" uniform. I need a few white shirts! Thank goodness I have time to prepare. There's so m...

Well I've been interviewed! It was such a rush to get ready, get there, then give sparkling answers to the two very nice interviewers' questions that I...needed a drink afterwards! Thank goodness for a delicious restaurant across the street. It's one of the major draws to the job, as far as I'm concerned:) They are also wonderfully accessible to the Disabled like me; their front door OPENS onto a ramp (if you ignore the straight path to the host stand). And I found the whole experience the perfect "come down" after arriving to my much-anticipated interview sweaty with frizzy hair, and over-analyzing my every answer and THEIR every sideways glance. I'm still cautiously optimistic, but I honestly don't know if I "nailed it", as I planned. Nevertheless, I really tried, and I think if nothing else, I had a good conversation with two women from my possible future:) There will be a follow-up edition to THIS entry in a week and a half to two we...

Just did a trial "run" to my prospective workplace! Very beautiful and official-looking as I've known from having been there before, but also very close to parts of Grand Rapids that calm and inspire me:) So after I'd scoped out where I have to go for the interview, I was able to take a breath and enjoy a peaceful moment in the almost-cool, still kinda muggy surroundings:) It was unexpected; I so often think of downtown as an urban jungle. Turns out if you look for it, there is beauty to behold. This reminded me of the misconceptions so many people have about the Disabled--that if there's something physically lacking there MUST also be something mentally wrong. And vice versa, really. The injustice of it hit me again; so many people live in such small worlds. Like me with my concept of this area, really. Yes the section I live in boasts NO natural wonder at all. Yes the part I live in is very urban and unkempt. Not so just a few blocks away! Imagine if we saw pe...

Late post! But I got a very late start; it was hard to find the energy to do all the little chores I had set for myself! But I was amazed that somehow I did:) Getting out of town on the bus during rush hour was particularly excruciating; I thought for SURE I'd miss my chance at some of the more time sensitive things I had to do. But by the grace of God, I made it before they closed--by about 15 minutes, but still. . Coming home, my poor old dirty, downtrodden street depressed me a little, and I started to despair of my place in this world:( But speaking of God, I think He "felt" me feeling bad, 'cause right after one conversation with a guy who told me his sob story about being stranded in GR when he's from Detroit and blah...blah...blah "could I spare any change"...a man walked past and simply said "God bless you, Baby":) Just when I really, really needed it! Life is like that sometimes. The good follows the bad. I floated home quite ha...

Thought this was such a clear articulation of something so often dismissed in our culture (people telling me "you're not disabled enough")--it was well worth sharing here:) Cheers to those who "make it work" even if they need a wheelchair (or a walker) much of the time!

Was just chatting back and forth with a high school friend on Facebook. I'd posted one of those "Would you live here for $100,000" things, showing a lovely, rustic cabin on the water somewhere. She pointed out that as an Epileptic, she needs some one with her to tell her if she's had a seizure; she isn't always aware. Aside from that familiar crestfallen feeling of "we are the reason we can't have nice things," and why we can't live the dream in some secluded paradise away from people and the burdens of civilization--those of us with health concerns--I started thinking about how "paradise" is not traditionally SUPPOSED to accommodate the Disabled. Remember my entry "Make a Way for Us"? It's the same kind of thing. As a follow-up, the sweet elderly lady who needed help getting in and out of our rented house DID make it there to be with us, and she DID, I think, enjoy herself! But this latest thing, with my Epileptic fri...

A final thought on this moon beautiful night:

Sometimes I feel like Tito:) Everybody needs a helper.

Hello! About to make an important call, but I'm procrastinating by blogging first:) Yesterday was a wonderful welcome home. I got to sleep in just a little in the weird greyish yellow light of my bedroom when the shade is drawn on a partly sunny day, which was DESPERATELY appreciated after my late, late, LATE night arrival. A lot of stretching, doing chores, and general re-acclimation to my normal routine later, I volunteered with the young adults with Autism that I've been involved with since oh....about March. A great time was had by all! And thanks to the blog I'd written about it, the program director knew my "no groceries in the house" plight and took me out to dinner! What a wonderful year it's been. Pretty much since January, when I resolved to not be so self-indulgent (sleeping too much, watching too much Netflix) and finally admitting that I was kind of disappointed with myself. There has definitely been SOME self-indulgence. Who doesn't like ...

Good Afternoon, Lovelies! Got home extremely late last night/extremely early this morning--a little bit later than planned thanks to Amtrak:( For a while there it seemed like we were speeding up and we'd make up for lost time...but not so. We got in at exactly 11:49. Thank God for the Go Bus I called two days ago! He waited for my train, helped me load up, and got me home eventually (though thanks to the eternal construction, we took a couple detours). Then I got to sleep off my wonderful-yet-tiring trip a little this morning. The thing I remember the most was Amtrak's idea of "accessibility ramps"--a bouncy little metal ramp they unfold and lay across the gap between the car floor and the platform. Nice to have access, but a little unnerving having to cross that rickety thing with my walker laden with luggage and a snack for the train! Oh the things we put up with! Tonight though, I'm right back to my routine, volunteering with young adults near my apartmen...

Phew! Finally back from quite an ambitious two 1/2 hours! Morning was productive and pleasant, safe within the confines of my apartment. Then I just HAD to do my civic duty and vote in the Michigan Primary election, which was easy enough since the polling place is very close. Then somehow, on my way to lunch afterward, the heat and all the grass clippings in the air got me befuddled, and I ended up so far from the lunch spot I'd planned on, I had to take a freakin' bus back! Which was actually fine, 'cause those things are air conditioned, and I'd been walking around a while, so it gave me a chance to cool off. And actually, kudos to the Powers That Be for making walker-accessible polling stations that are a little lower but still private; that kind of equality is what we need in our daily lives! Anyway, post-lunch, which was at a place with VERY heavy doors since it's located downtown and probably they just want to be extra cautious--here I am! Back to the bas...

Well! That was easy:) All's well that ends well with family reunion logistics:) And it's coming up now much faster than I can believe it! I even started packing two days early to make sure I don't forget anything. Although, if I'm honest, there's still a distinct possibility I'll forget SOMETHING. It's a complicated trip with many considerations to take into account. But it's not like I've never traveled, or traveled on my own before! I'll probably end up bringing more than I use, even though I try to avoid over packing. I think I have all of the most important things:) This has been quite the surprise, seeing the ways other people handle traveling, and all the different considerations on THEIR end. I can absolutely understand how it would frazzle a person who's not usually able to travel because of caring for an elderly parent/differently-abled person to have to get their mind around the logistical nightmare such an undertaking can sometim...

I'm so happy about the response (number of views) my entry "Make a Way For Us" has gotten! Indeed, I've even gotten sweet vindication on Facebook:) It's a touching reminder of how much it means to the Disabled to have the Able go out of their way to include them. Below is a picture of just such an effort made to "make a way"--by letting people who find sand problematic--the wheelchair-bound, people with trouble walking on uneven surfaces (ahem), maybe just those with weakness in the legs, like the elderly. Great to see so many beaches embracing #accessibility this summer! Roll on when all beaches are have equipment to help everyone enjoy the sand and sea. Eg check out @amprouk 's recent article: Aberdeenshire beach made accessible with specialist wheelchairs https://t.co/4lsVkm0BxD — wheelAIR (@wheelAIR) August 5, 2018 And it's especially gratifying to me to see that these efforts have made it "across the pond" to Europe. While...

I have to point out how amazing my state is. They're always evolving, always thinking...And as many times as I DO disagree with a lot the laws and policies here; I know they're trying. It's not easy to be so diverse. It's not easy to "make everyone happy"; but they give it their best shot! As evidence, I submit the image below. No longer are the wheelchair bound portrayed as stationary, the way so many in the world see them.

Finally heard back from a member of the family we'd been expecting to hear from for quite a while, and learned the reason for the long "internet silence" was accessibility related! The location we've all decided on isn't EXACTLY barrier-free; in fact there are stairs galore all around it:( As for me, I'm braving the inconvenience for the reward of being there, but I can absolutely see why for a newly elderly lady who has difficulty with stairs--it would be an issue. Maybe this is subconsciously why I didn't go to the concert last night. I know the venue is very amphitheater-like, and the idea of doing stairs, even though I CAN, after the day I'd had, was just too much to handle. It's important for me to quit while I'm ahead and know my limits, so I don't fall in public, causing everyone around me to "oh!" or anxiously gasp and stare, and meanwhile I have to ask somebody who doesn't look too shocked by the situation to giv...

One more thing I want to mention is that THIS friend did a courteous thing while we were walking. She matched my pace! I know it's small and maybe insignificant, but not for me. So few people consider this simple act of kindness "not that important" any more, but let me tell you...you come across as rude. I mean, once in a while it's natural for people's paces to deviate. Maybe one person is more eager to get where you're going that YOU are, or something. But mostly; I feel like it's people telling me they're embarrassed to be out with me, they feel like I should "step up my game" and match THEIR pace no matter HOW long their legs are:( So yeah, in an era where it seems like common decency is null and void (and a guy I met in the elevator agrees with me); it's better to walk beside each other. Be kind. Don't leave us behind!

Today was a good day, though last night was rough. Now I'm getting a sore throat, making me think that maybe allergens are super high again:( Although I didn't notice them when a friend from church was taking me out to lunch (we split the check) and we were walking around/getting ice cream in East Grand Rapids! Of course to their enormous credit, that part of town may be a cramped urban jungle with smooth curb ramps so the blind can't tell where the street begins--BUT! They have copious water features that cool down the whole area. One of which was a fountain we both made wishes at. There's a little sign on the gate around said fountain advertising that the coins thrown in "help to make wishes come true" for the children at a local hospital. That was kinda fun:) And my friend also took a picture of me amid the water spouts without my walker (thank goodness I kept my balance this time!), so I should have photographic evidence for everybody soon. The other ...

I don't like to bring politics into this. But it's very appropriate, don't you think? It's a symptom of pretty dark times:(

Of Course! The first step to applying for a job nowadays is certainly going to be "fill out the online application"! Of course. So that was one less thing I had to walk to in this heat, thank Heaven:) But I did get my application completed and sent off; I actually surprised myself with my own focus. So that's one more thing to wonder and worry about until I hear back from them either way--which may of course never happen. The way things are, it seems nobody feels an obligation to follow up on anything these days, least of all to let a girl know if she's hired or they're not interested! Actually though, I've more or less reconciled myself to a learning experience. In other words, I wouldn't be surprised and I'd actually EXPECT them to deny me. Which is fine, because there are a number of other positions available. I just thought I'd squeeze in an application to THIS place while the applying was good, if you know what I mean! The other good ne...