Broken Lives Matter

It's so hot. Just went downstairs for a MINUTE to get my mail, and outside to throw something in the recycling bin...it was almost hard to get up the hill outside my building! And that once again broke my heart for street people. As I was reminded by a caring friend on Facebook, so many of the homeless are mentally challenged, or even have physical disabilities on top of that. I frequently see people riding motorized scooters, and I'm sure they're nice when the weather's good--but they hardly move fast enough to even create a breeze. What then for their riders, many of whom are amputees? To say nothing of those without homes who have no choice but the street or sidewalk for a place to go. Finding shade around here is hard enough for ME, as I run from shadow to shadow on my way some place. What if I couldn't walk well, or was forced to sleep on the street? How could I stay cool--even reasonably so? In the winter, a lot of big cities have warming centers. Does it...

Isn't it nice when people see "special needs" kids as people?

Just now on my Facebook feed appeared a video of some one having a seizure at a social event like a concert or at the bar or something. And it confused me at first. I thought she had just had a seizure in public, which while unfortunate is perfectly understandable. Then somebody explained that she was shoved. By accident or on purpose, I don't know, but that should have been in there if the video was to be posted. I don't want to hurt the person who shared this video; she shared it for her own reasons, and probably not ONE of them was so that I would find it hurtful. That being said, it should be clear who did the shoving if the video is to be posted on a social network, for a couple of reasons. One, if she was prone to seizures maybe she shouldn't have been in a situation that could cause them. Not that this incident should EVER be considered her fault. But remember what I said about not taking risks with your health? What if heat caused her seizures? Then she was CERTA...

And now, the real reason I make a lot of excuses for staying home (where my thoughts escapin', music's playin'...). The weather is alarming right now. Alarming! It's not even so much the heat, weirdly. I carry a fan with my that I could use to cool off a little, and a bottle of water that could help me stay hydrated. I would slather on sunscreen (my main source of "perfume" when it's this hot), and I'd more or less be fine. Even if I had to wait several minutes for the bus to make its way to me. Let me be brutally honest with you, and myself really, for a minute. The thing that scares me about this weather is that I'd take the bus or walk somewhere and get overheated, then that no one around me would help. And I'd be too weakened in that condition to really help myself. What then? Pass out? The last time I got extremely overheated in public, Michael was with me, so I was ultimately okay. He made sure I got some place cool, gave me water, ...

You know, I love "antiquing". Roaming the aisles, often on multiple levels, of a wizened little store with equipment that often seems about as dated as its wares:) And most of the time I don't even mind that the copious amounts of knickknacks and furniture "jump out in front of" my walker so I bump into them or have to move them to pass. And there are even some antique stores with the best or most of their stuff on a single level, in multiple rooms, making it much more accessible to everyone. Yesterday's sojourn to just such a store was so uplifting. Grand Rapids is dotted with many "happy little antique stores", but Archive Antiques and Repurposed Goods (follow them on Instagram and Facebook) stands out. Such a great place to shelter from the rain storm that looked like it was coming! The storm never quite came, but lots of people from all over outside DID. The furniture was a fun retro mix of chic and comfortable; I didn't even mind when...

And this is the kind of thing I'm talking about; it's what I mean by "broken lives matter." OK eco people; I care about the #environment too. ♻️I don't recycle because you've put the bins up a step, with barriers around them to narrow to get a #wheelchair through. ♿️ I don't #recycleright because I don't have a choice; that choice has been made for me. — Diary of a Disabled Person. (@WheelsofSteer) June 27, 2018

Waiting out the rain! Just got back from lunch with a friend at a place with NO ramp to the front door! They were very nice and otherwise helpful though, so I forgive them:) Plus, for future reference, they serve cold (not iced) water in stainless steal cups. That's the best way to serve it; keeps it so much cooler, with no ice to have to "drink around." Anyway, the first thing I saw in my Facebook feed was a brilliant invention that I'm sure won several awards. Gloves with a wrist band to secure them, they translate sign language AS the signer is signing, into English! How amazing, right?! I hope the cost isn't prohibitive, or at least that they're working on making it less so for the average American:) That also makes me wonder; do the gloves translate our country's sign language? That could create a problem even among fellow signers (the deaf community) themselves! On its face though, this is a fantastic idea, and there's so much room for growth...

Yahoo! Went to sleep and woke up this morning longing to travel--but where?! It's hard enough, and really expensive--to go cross country by train. There goes the idea of seeing my friends in California. Flying is cheaper, but harder still, logistically. Taking a cruise vacation would be relatively easy if I got to a port city, but I'd have to get to a port city:( More logistical problems. So what was I to do?! I wanted to go somewhere I'd never been, but not somewhere that was too far away. Adding to my train travel Rewards points would also be a nice bonus. Just now, the answer was waiting on Facebook. See, I find it most exciting when planning a trip to center the whole thing around one particular adventure I'm dying to have. Several few years ago, I decided I HAD to see a Siberian tiger, and lo, The Lincoln Park Zoo in Chicago, Illinois obliged! That was a delightful get-away. And the zoo was free! About two years ago I was frustrated with the lack of delicious cof...

Why do people pick fights with each other? Why do they cause drama where there IS no drama? A new friend just posted this on my Facebook feed, and I love it so much. You don't get anything more by being cruel than you do by being kind. In fact, you get many times the kindness you send you. What good is it to dwell on what makes us different?

Hello! Earlier I was watching an old favorite movie, and heard for about the millionth time what I think is one of the best lines in contemporary (for my purposes the last 20 years) cinema: "The word 'civilized' has no place in any discussion of the affairs of this world." Really makes you think. In the West we are so driven by the conviction that we're "doing it right", that we are good to the right people for the right reasons, and bring the wrong people to justice. And yet, I would argue that this civilization is more than a little blind to the truth here. Discrimination of every kind is rampant, and for the most part it's just ignored. People unaffected by the double standards out there just look the other way. Consider the amphitheaters where so much live music is played during this sunny, warm season. Wheels can't get up and down THOSE stairs! And yet there are very few alternative routes, or they are way off to the side somewhere req...

A happy thought before a late (or early) bedtime for Amelia!

Like many people, I try to stay in shape. I try to exercise whenever I can, however I can. Unfortunately with the complications of multiple shunt revisions (brain surgeries) and cerebral palsy, balance is...an issue. I stumble or fall a lot, frequently drop things I carry in front of me (so I need to be careful how heavy my free weights are!), and if I get very tired after a workout, I sleep--so I probably loose a lot of the benefits I've just received:( I think something like the routine below would be fantastic. Gone are the concerns; I could just focus on "sweating it out"!

After an amazing and delicious dinner with a new friend from church, I come home to...a revelation! This might have saved my poor Michael. His stroke necessitated a feeding tube through his nose, and then permanently implanted into his stomach...a routine procedure that caused him internal bleeding and eventual death:( If he'd had the option of food glorious food without the tube disastrous tube, everything could have been different. Elderly and ill patients would stay with us much longer! Sigh...if only:( But I'm a firm believer that everything that happens is what's supposed to happen, even if it's tragic. This would have helped then, but THINK how much it will help now!

I picked the wrong shoes, so it's already been a long day! The notoriously broken, uneven sidewalks of this neighborhood make walking anywhere quite an undertaking. The whole body gets involved in keep that little SOB straight! The arms and hips lean it left or right of a crevasse/pothole, the torso keeps the back straight. My legs and feet? Well, I already have to work harder and think faster to make sure THOSE are in line. As many a physical therapist throughout my life has told me thousands of times, "heel toe, heel toe, heel toe"...as if I could trick the subconscious mind into correcting the errant signals between brain and foot:) Add to that the sidewalk slabs that jut higher or lower than the rest so I run into them, stopping me dead and causing me to have to back up and go around the obstruction, cursing all the way. You didn't know I curse, did you? Well it's usually to myself, or when no one is watching, but yes I curse--like a sailor:) But I keep...

Such a great night! And I practically had to kick my own arse out the door:) But I'm so glad I did! You can only stare at your own four walls for so long before you simply must get out. So first I went to the UICA (you lovely!) and listened to/watched an informative video on hand "knotted" rugs by Tibetan refugees and their descendants in Nepal. That was interesting and informative. Plus there were a lot of interior design students there, attending the lecture for credit, so I feel like I got a really good education! I learned all about the different properties of wool and the long process of creating a beautiful, intricate rug by hand. There are so many detailed, painstaking steps. It was actually inspiring to see the different ways the weave rugs in various cultures--Persian, Indian, Turkish and Japanese. It reminded me a lot of the lecture I attended yesterday at The GRAM, and saying that out loud, I'm sure the overlap in concepts was intentional. To foster a ...

A physical disability can make an animal have a hard time and be ostracized as well! But some people can see past faces:)

Hello! As my followers know, I get a lot of my inspiration for the blogs I write here from Twitter and Facebook. God bless 'em, those crazy time-vacuums! Every now and then, social networks remind me to slow down, observe the world around me, and take stock of what I have to be thankful for. Today I include a tweet from the inspiring Ace Ratcliff, whose tweets I admire immensely and hope to come close to emulating:) It reminds me that although I couldn't make it to an event today that I had been planning to go to for political reasons, there is nevertheless something I can do. After all, "gentleness is strength." The most fragile among us can sometimes withstand more than those who oppress them. Even these quiet voices on social networks and blogs will eventually become so numerous they will deafen those who would silence them. And that is worth living for, as long as we can help each other endure. hiya, sweet human. yeah, you. go get water, if you don’t already ...

Really beginning to see the wisdom of this song lately. "All this time I was finding myself...I tried carrying the weight of the world, but I only have two hands..." I'm fully awake now! But sometimes the weight of the world is entirely too heavy:(

Full day! Got ready in record time to meet a friend wnho took us both out for breakfast this morning in one of the many diners around here--this one with a decidedly Hipster slant:) Turned out to be delicious and inexpensive; avocado toast with diced tomatoes, splitting one poached egg between all four slices of wheat toast because I needed lotsa protein! But I didn't want too much cholesterol, so I compromised. Nice long chat over bottomless coffees, stuffed in with an ever increasing amount of fellow patrons. I asked that we go out to this particular diner today because just FOR today, 10% of the total bill went to the Inner City Christian Federation, where the outreach minister from my church is a fixture. This makes it a cause very close to my heart, and one that I would feel terrible if I didn't support! So I was only too happy to try this fairly new establishment--especially when the food was so good! No one held the door for me going out or coming in, which was ab...

The heat in West Michigan right now is...bearable. I could endure it if I had to. There's even a bit of a breeze rustling the branches of the two giant trees on the lawn. BUT the humidity makes it unsustainable out there! I can't stand it for more than a few minutes. And the allergens are as high as ever. There goes the ease of MY breathing:) But by Fortune's favor, that's not a problem. Shipt grocery delivery saves the day! Through this steal of a deal, I pay a nominal fee every year, and the delivery fee is negated once my groceries hit a certain price point:) It pays for itself almost immediately:) My thought process when signing up for the first time, in June of last year, was that there are so often days like this: high allergies, high heat, unfavorable wind blowing my hair in front of my eyes, sun burning my skin to a brilliant shade of fuchsia. And that was going to translate into "too much ice to get traction on the side walks, heavy snow, wind blowing my...

Let's just see how that goes:)

So here I sit, contemplating my father of 26 years gone 11 years ago, and I would love to show him my blog. Mostly 'cause at this point, Brokenlivesmatter feels lonely:( I'm following new disabled women on Twitter almost daily, and my readership has increased, on Blogspot, which is wonderful. But here I sit in Midwestern America, finding the air quality marginal and the humidity unbearable--and it seems I'm the only one like me. Where is my army? You silent massses with a voice that's been silenced for so long--I am your voice! Where are you? Not to discount those I've found. I love that you're out there "doing it," making the plight of the Disabled finally known to a world that has so long ignored us. I sympathize with and pray for you in your daily struggles. But it sure would be nice to be able to shake your hand. At the moment, that would be impossible, 'cause I'm all alone. I don't want to rush you. I know it's hard to come out...

A word on stress relief, this fine cloudy day. Sometimes, particularly when it's about to rain, every one of my muscles tenses up. Even just lying in bed, the moment I wake up I feel the arches in my feet seeming to curl in like the backwards pointy shoes of the Wicked Witch of the East as she expired. My knees get knobby, and my fingers even give of the distinct impression that they're still gripping the handles of my walker, curling inward unless I flex them out as far as they'll go and hold them in that position. And my shoulders?! From my shoulders to my elbows the muscles feel like rubber bands just dying to be stretched out. So I lift weights. Fairly light free weights give all the release I need on days like this. And they make me feel stronger too, 'cause sometimes I lift them while doing squats, just to add my legs and balance to the stress-relieving equation. On moments like this, when I'm in front of the computer and decidedly NOT in exercise mode, ...

Alas, Active Commute Week GR 2018 has come and gone, as of tonight's "wrap party" that was also an awards ceremony for all who participated AND those who logged the most alternative rides of every kind, from walking to car pooling and especially bike riding. I was there with the friend whom I mentioned in an earlier post introduced me to the event:) We ended up both being "losers"--as far as the raffle to win various awards and "swag" for the upcoming Art Prize tourist extravaganza that takes place here, starting late August. But as she pointed out, we got a free dinner, so we're winners after all! I considered the evening a double plus because I ran into her, deciding at the very last minute to even go to this closing out ceremony. Besides that, I reconnected with somebody I NEVVER thought I'd see again, 'cause I moved away from my old neighborhood, which is where she lives and where I met her, a year ago. So that was another win! It...

Your evening dose of "do unto others" is brought to you by my Facebook feed. It's a good lesson in all it takes to raise the level of love and equality for all in this country:

Every day, I watch the kids playing on the grassy yard behind my building, which in addition to the apartment complex, also houses a shelter with a school for kids. Their ebullience and joy at such simple things is an endless delight to witness. I love the cheers and squeals, the laughter and the little snatches of childish conversation that float up to my third story window. And it's not always just children. Whenever the weather is good, there's also basketball among older kids/young adults on a slab of cement in the grass. I love to hear their "oooooh!" when a shot is missed, or laughter at a particularly crafty move. And it's not just what I hear that's delightful. There are ALWAYS people walking to and fro on the sidewalk just beyond the fenced-in yard. Some have backpacks, making me think "student", some drag rolling suitcases. Others walk across the street to the shelter OPPOSITE and walk up the stairs to (I presume) volunteer within. Som...

From the Facebook feed; provides great insight:

Today I'm reflecting on two dogs I had while a home owner. The first, Mary, was a rescue who'd been with me through thick and thin. She and I were kindred spirits from the moment I met her, sitting quietly alone in her enclosure at the Humane Society. Akita and German Shepherds barked and growled around us, throwing themselves up against the fences in THEIR stalls. I just knelt down and put my hand through the chicken wire, petting her head and stroking her velvety black ear:) Sometimes you hear people say "it's like they know"--kind of disparagingly, about technology or some device or creature that makes somebody feel weird with their intelligence:) With Mary, it was instantly "like she knew"...and it only served us both well. And I could tell how much she loved me. She knew the word for "water," and knew what I meant when I asked "are you hungry?" So there was never any barrier between us. We were so happy in the house, and she ...

This popped up in my Twitter feed, and didn't just resonate, but RESOUNDED. If I have to stop dead in my tracks to wait for some one coming in the opposite direction, as he stutter steps to the left or right trying to work out in his (or her) mind whether my walker is going to change direction or rise up over the crowd as I teleport to my destination ONE. MORE. TIME... News flash: wheelchair users are not daleks. We can't f*cking levitate. ♿️ #Elevate pic.twitter.com/BTexIAwe2a — Diary of a Disabled Person. (@WheelsofSteer) June 12, 2018

This week I've joined an activity called the Grand Rapids Active Commute website, where one logs every alternative mode of transportation one takes, in hopes of increasing one's chances of winning one of the great local prizes (gift certificates, memberships, that sort of thing) given to the ones who log the most trips:) Since I walk or take the bus everywhere anyway, I was encouraged (thanks friend!) to join this "healthy competition" and maybe be rewarded for all the driving I DON'T do. It's going well so far; 77 miles logged yesterday, as I shared a van coming and going 30+ miles to a small, pleasant, rural town outside the city. Today I didn't do AS much, but I did some! And it's just as well, since the weather has been mild, yet unbelievably muggy, for days now. I find that walking behind my walker I move very, very slow, and it's quite easy for me to get overheated, which is another reason I'm forced into what I call "hermitage...

I learned something interesting today! While meeting with my church book club at the rural home of one of the other members, one of the ladies in the group told a story. She'd been on the phone to an office that employed an individual who was hearing impaired! I wasn't even aware of this, but the ADA requires businesses to accommodate a qualified employee, even if they have a disability:) Of course I SHOULD have known this. As some one with a disability you would think I'd sleep with a copy of the ADA by my bed! Alas, on a day to day basis it's so clear to me that accessibility is not a priority, as I'm sure many of us who struggle with inaccessibility would agree. So back to what I learned: My friend had heard a recording before the phone call started, indicating that everything she said was being recorded and then visually represented on a computer screen for the benefit of the individual who couldn't hear! Also known as TDD, I've learned that this was ...

This has been in my head all day, and how appropriate! "...and the sky keeps turning gray..."

Sundays are good days. Especially when they're overcast and cool:) Add to that a wonderful radio station--the eclectic and eccentric WYCE on the radio (yes I'm old-fashioned enough to love the radio), and it's even lovelier. Ignoring the nagging hunger for the moment just to jot down how nice it is to be a short walk from church (albeit uphill), where I meet my largest GROUP of friends. I have lots of friends here and there, scattered about. But at church, there's a "nest" if you will, of people I only get to see regularly once a week! And it's under the best of circumstances; a summer church service. Louis Armstrong is melting away the mild annoyance I felt at the sight of a pan handler who waited outside the church doors to accost us all as we exited. I did not give him any money:) Thank God for Louis Armstrong! And deep down, the staunch Christian within feels sorry for the pan handler. Whatever has hold of his life--drugs, alcohol, or just very littl...

Here's a bit that I missed after I left; the performances were entertaining, but the venue wasn't very inviting for somebody with such a heavy aid!

Good Evening! Kind of a late installment, but it took me quite a while to get myself up and at 'em today:( I have days like that a lot, where I'm dragging myself from place to place until magically I'm showered and dressed, well fed and well put together, some place downtown. Such was how I found myself this afternoon, at Grand Rapids' annual Asia Pacific festival! At long last; they've been posting almost daily on their Facebook page (thumbs up promoters...there was quite a turnout!), and some of the presenters and others in native costume were absolutely stunning. I tried to take pictures but, that's where I ran into the first problem. The stairs surrounding the stage, which create a cool, amphitheater atmosphere and are fantastic for watching ice skaters in the winter...put just about everyone up higher than me! Unless I hoisted my walker over a step or carefully slid it down over one--a bunch of times:( But no matter, life goes on, right? I stood in l...

Hello! Well, I have a decision to make. Tonight is an event that seems like a good time, starting at 7:30 when movies are shown at a venue downtown that I have never been too. There's one movie I've never seen (The Greatest Showman), followed by one I've grown up with ("Big" with Tom Hanks). And they're all preceded by circus-esque entertainment and food--however...there will be balloon animals for the kiddies:( Alarms and sirens! I have a major latex allergy, as I'm pretty sure I've mentioned before. Annnnnnd anaphylaxis in the middle of a crowded theater doesn't sound like too much fun. But I could still take my chances. Maybe the organizers anticipated a variety of interest in their event, and somehow prepared for every possibility with pre-made (somehow) MYLAR balloons. Which brings me to Option 2 for my Friday night's entertainment. I could go back to the UICA and see an indie film with Joaquin Phoenix, in the comfort and safety of a ...

It's a beautiful day! I've been told by some that my blog posts can't be shared. If you're reading this, PLEASE let me know if it does or does not allow you to share it:) I want to be able to spread my message of "broken lives matter" as far as I can! And for that I need your help:)

Changed my url address at long last, so thought I'd celebrate with a late night post at the new home. Videos such as these break my heart. I stuggle with the exact same problems as this sweet boy, though not to the same degree. Sometimes it takes me three or four times to successfully rise from a seated position! At church, singing hymns, we are always told to "please stand if you are able." Sometimes they still say "if you are able" before the national anthem at sporting events. So why, Colin Kaepernick, would you ever, as an able-bodied adult, regardless of the cruelties you have no doubt endured as a black man, exercise those same cruelties right back at the disabled community, by casually ignoring THEIR ongoing struggle? It is something that's bothered me for the longest time, and why I can not support, Kaepernick's campaign, though as a similarly marginalized minority I DO understand it.

Almost forgot! This is from yesterday at the Main branch of the Grand Rapids Public Library. It is the use of the handicapped stall in the ladies' room the way it was intended for the elderly and disabled. Not so you could make yourself more comfortable while taking your time in there, as those who REALLY need the space wait outside. And rest assured, in public spaces such as a library or an office, there will ALWAYS be somebody who needs the big stall more than you want it. So be courteous, okay?

And now, after another varied and fulfilling day downtown, let me say thanks to the Asian-Pacific Festival organizers (one of whom I met tonight at a museum event) and The New Hotel Mertens, who (though new in town) have rapidly become my favorite place to show off my city, Grand Rapids, Michigan. Although in some ways I am lucky because my disability requires a mobility aid, making everyone around me more than eager to help make MY life easier, some disabilities, like perhaps a reading difficulty or a visual impairment, are not as obvious to others. That's why a small, written description of events, or something as simple as a phone number to call if ever I need some one's assistance getting in the door, is hugely appreciated!! You can't imagine what it means to be considered in this world. Don't just assume I have it all figured out! Extending a kind hand changes my whole day:)

Sharing, 'cause I love libraries, and I find them for the most part to be extremely accessible. The biggest inconvenience can be taking a ramp that is off to the side and up a monstrous hill that is difficult to scale when you're already tired from pushing your "aide" to the library itself. BUT, the button to open doors for the disabled is a wonderful reward once you have:)

Weather Channel.com is saying mold spores and tree pollen--the two WORST allergens as far as I'm concerned--are extremely high outside. And I can see there's a healthy stirring the trees behind my building. But I can't "cancel today." Unlike other days, when I have the distinct luxury of choosing to stay in if I want--tonight I have things I want to do. Life is what you make it, after all, a fact I learned from Michael, who despite his paraplegia made the most of every day. He was rolling his wheelchair from before dawn 'til after dusk. I never appreciated it then, living with him in a government subsidized two bedroom apartment, but I definitely do now. He never complained about anything he had to deal with--and ladies and gentleman, he dealt with a lot. Nor did he let anything he dealt with stop him from doing whatever he wanted to do. I was so proud of him. Proud to be with him. He made me feel important just because I stood beside him. How does a person ...

This time of year I miss my fiancé acutely. Scrolling Facebook I found this little video. I think it says it all:(

Hello Lovelies! Yesterday and last night were pretty much devoted elsewhere; I didn't have time to rest and blog:( I DID however visit my beloved Urban Institute for Contemporary Arts (UICA), for the opening reception of their latest exhibit, featuring the photography of Bangladesh! It's a modern little art museum with an abiding interest insocial issues. They treat me like family every time I'm there--which is often. The evening was splendid (to use one of "my" words). I chatted, ate fried onion fritters, drank white wine, and conversed with a new friend and fellow lover of art and travel on the breezy, minimalist terrace. The UICA are barrier free, which I love, and I have absolutely no problem walking right up to the disabled access button out front and letting myself in. I've heard from some that parking can be an issue though, so I'm going to work on becoming part of the committee who discusses problems of accessibility at the museum. A place tha...