Scary Hot

And now, the real reason I make a lot of excuses for staying home (where my thoughts escapin', music's playin'...). The weather is alarming right now. Alarming! It's not even so much the heat, weirdly. I carry a fan with my that I could use to cool off a little, and a bottle of water that could help me stay hydrated. I would slather on sunscreen (my main source of "perfume" when it's this hot), and I'd more or less be fine. Even if I had to wait several minutes for the bus to make its way to me. Let me be brutally honest with you, and myself really, for a minute. The thing that scares me about this weather is that I'd take the bus or walk somewhere and get overheated, then that no one around me would help. And I'd be too weakened in that condition to really help myself. What then? Pass out? The last time I got extremely overheated in public, Michael was with me, so I was ultimately okay. He made sure I got some place cool, gave me water, and took care of me to the best of his ability. Without him though, I'll just say it's lucky I happened to be at a doctor's office at the time. But I can't expect the stars to align in THAT way every time--indeed, not ANY time--I go out. So at the end of the day, I can blame inaccessibility for my self-imposed exile, but that's not really it at all. And how paradoxical is that? Fear of being alone in public? I hate that anyone has to worry about that. But for those of us with disabilities, it's a legitimate concern. The rest of the world doesn't know off-hand how to take care of somebody with a physical disability in an emergency. Particularly with the world as it is, people are often afraid to step in and provide amateur medical care no matter how much it's needed, for fear of legal action if something goes wrong. I often think of 2001 when the planes hit the WTC. There were a couple of stories of heroism, where a crowd of coworkers banded together to carry some one in a wheelchair down tens of flights of stairs. But for somebody like me? I'd most likely be on my own. And don't get me wrong, if a building was melting around me I'd GET to safety. But it would not be easy, nor would I be an early evacuee. I'd likely stumble out of the main entrance hours after everyone else had made a clean getaway:( So that's why I'm terrified of "the heat" and make excuses on this blog and in real life for staying in when allergens are high and the sun is brutal. Left to fend for myself, I WOULD. But part of me wonders if I COULD manage it safely. Forget heat stroke. What about a severe respiratory reaction to extremely high levels of grass or tree pollen?! Then I would CERTAINLY pass out. And while of course I try to carry Benadryl with me at all times, it makes you drowsy, thus impairing your judgement. Allergies cloud the mind too. You think and act as if you're sleep-deprived, making rash decisions and getting confused by little things. Sometimes I even feel dizzy enough to "stutter step," and everyone stares at me. This adds another layer of emotion to the physical symptoms. Embarrassment. Who needs all that?! I'd rather stay in, clean out my fridge or order from some place, and binge-watch a Netflix series:) For me that's self-care. Don't put yourself in a situation that could end badly. It's the same as exercising or avoiding too much sugar in your diet. Think about the end result. And don't take unnecessary risks with your health. Sorry outside world; I've got my blog to keep ME connected! You won't see me 'til it cools down.